Feel like I’ve gone backwards

[Ilovecrumpets]

Hi everyone

Found out about ex’s affair just before Xmas last year and he left in early January. Moved in immediately with OW and introduced her straight away to the DC.

I’ve done my best to try and keep everything together this year -trying to help the DC cope, went on holidays, gone up to full time at work, changed childcare and taken over mortgage and house payments. DC go to ex e/o weekend sometimes just one night and he does bath and bed here. I’ve been civil as no way was I going to let him see he has affected me.

I thought I was doing OK but the whole Xmas period I just feel like I’ve gone backwards and feel so low again and the real pain of what I have lost. I feel so frustrated with myself. It was partly triggered by a message from ex apologising for how he has behaved, saying he missed us and other stuff. Despite my best efforts it got to me. Then he has bought me all these Xmas gifts. I asked him to leave on Xmas day and then somehow felt guilty he was on his own.

I’m just so annoyed at myself that he can still get to me like this and why Doni still feel responsibility for him. He has the kids now and I’m missing them terribly. I’m completely on my own and he won’t be giving me a second thought. It’s like he saw I was moving away and has somehow got back in my head.

Also just feel let down by my family who haven’t come to see me at all. Send me messages about how strong I am. Doubly hurtful as my parents never used to visit us at Xmas as they said couldn’t leave my sister who is a single mum on her own.

Sorry just a rant as I’m feeling really low. Looking ahead it just seems like a very long hard road and I’m so tired of all the struggle.

Could have written that myself. Thank fully I do have family support bit 're the xh timings everything. Hugs x

Hi @Movingon86 sorry you are feeling like this too. Life just feels so relentlessly hard atm ( and I k ow I have it better than many others). I guess once we get back to the normality and routine of January things may feel at least a bit less intense.

I'm hoping so too tbh. Think.its all the happy families that are everywhere at Xmas that hurts I don't miss the xh but I miss my little family unit.... just us 2 now and almost a year down the line it still takes some adjusting to the new dynamic x

Yes I agree. I’ve also realised slot of my friends now are parents of my DCs ( but ones I am genuine friends with and would be without the DC!). They are all really kind and have invited me when I’m on my own between Xmas and NY but it just feels too weird being in their house with my DCs friends without my DC if that makes sense.

I also shamefully sometimes have real pangs of jealousy for what my friends seem to have. The support and tbh how much easier it is financially being a couple as opposed to doing it alone. Which sounds awful but is true.

Tbh I used to be envious of the support other couples gave each other throughout my marriage, because on reflection, my ex stopped engaging somewhere around the birth of our second child.
It does seem a bit like he's reeling you in on purpose, because he sensed you had it together so well