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Not everyone is enjoying Christmas

2 replies

FTTtheatre · 18/12/2018 06:54

Not everyone is enjoying Christmas.
[redacted] my beautiful daughter is 9 yrs old and it’s probably the last Santa Claus Christmas for her.

The last time she’ll believe in the elf and his antics, the last time she’ll talk of his magic.
I’m flitting between feeling numb and extremely angry.
For the last 3-4yrs I’ve hated Christmas. He had ruined what should have been a magical time for us.
I couldn’t tell [redacted] her father was a master manipulator, gas lighting techniques who had multiple affairs and set to destroy me. He couldn’t cope with his poor decisions so wanted me to suffer. I was the one with the exec job and my life all together. I had the supportive family and social circle.
3 horrible years of suffering, which had come to an end 4days ago. Leaving me reeling.

I am faced spending another Christmas alone.
I’ve moved on from loving him and my 1 yr obsession with the emotionally unavailable toy boy I’d met online has waned.
My divorce is imminent and a settlement has been agreed. Albeit not the best result means I have to sell my house but it put an end to the whole nightmare.

I can’t enjoy Christmas, no matter how hard I try and I am trying so very, very hard. [redacted] has chosen to spend Christmas Day and Boxing Day with him and his new family and who am I to deny her that joy?
I’m going to be alone, alone in a town that wasn’t my home town. I’ve been invited to friends, but without my [redacted] I just don’t want to go.
Last night I made dinner, gave [redacted] the computer and I went upstairs to bed at 6.30pm. Exhausted from the last few months of court cases, money troubles and self confidence issues.

My self confidence had been high, almost arrogant before this started and after a series of job losses, disappointments with men and on the verge of losing my house, it had eroded to dust. I’m not sure I can get out of bed to do my little charity job that 15years ago I would have breezed.

[redacted] is excited for Christmas and I will not deny her this pleasure. Knowing full well it’s a special short lived time in her life.
The kid makes me beam with pride and with the help of my dad I’ve prepared some exciting treats for her.

I’ve decided this year with limited funds that instead I will write a card to her saying 10 things you did to make me proud in 2018.

It’s not the kids fault she’s had to go through this.

This post was edited by MNHQ

OP posts:
ArwenEdwards · 18/12/2018 10:44

You should feel pride in yourself. You have got rid of that horror of a man, stood independently alone with a child and maintained a job! No wonder you're exhausted. Give yourself a break. Maybe think of Christmas as a time for yourself to relax and just treat yourself. I'm no doctor, but you sound like you have a bit of depression. Who can blame you? Just remember Christmas will be over soon. Your daughter sounds like she's happy enough from what you said and she probably knows deep down that Santa and company aren't real anymore, so don't stress about that for god's sake!

FTTtheatre · 18/12/2018 13:09

Thank you x

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