I’m so sorry but this is long and complicated so I don’t really know where to start.
I’ve been with H for 20 years. Our DC are 13,11 and 9. H runs a manual labour, family business, that is also a lifestyle (no way out). For the last 10 years he’s been so caught up in it that as a family we have just existed. For the last 5 he has poured everything we own into keeping it going. Business is finally going ok. However in this time I have been a SAHM raising the kids. I haven’t worked for years, I have no savings, I’m not on mortgage, I pay no pension...I basically don’t exist other than the fact that because of H I have around £20k debt having had to take out loans/credit to help save business.
I have NO financial control. H controls everything. I have to ask him when I need money. If it’s not something he thinks we need or he can do himself, I get shouted down/ignored.
H is full of promises. He’s full of “when” and he’s full of “ill do this”. Basically he bought a house several years ago that HE wanted that is now literally decaying due to neglect. I detest it.
I want to leave him. I’ve had enough. Something came up recently that is the final nail in the coffin. It’s so totally trivial BUT because of his hugely controlling nature it’s snowballed as it’s something I refuse to let go of because it’s pretty much saved my sanity when times have been so unbearably hard. He is a controlling, stubborn, small minded, selfish, possessive, petulant manchild, and the abuse I’ve had from him I just simply can’t take any more. I utterly resent him. I’ve given this over 5 years now of living like this, for the sake of the kids and now I simply cannot take any more of it. I let him get away with so much because he tells me he’s “under stress”. But it’s been 5 years too much for me now and it’s just an excuse for him to bury his head in the sand.
I just don’t know where the hell to begin. I have nothing underneath me. No security, No savings, only debt. This man has completely owned me and I feel it’s going to be impossible to get away, but I just can’t carry on like this anymore. I tried talking to CAB back in the summer but they were hopeless. My situation is unusual and the financial situation is a complete mess.
Can anyone please tell me what I need to do now?