How can he move on so quick?

[missbee90]

Long story short..

Married a year, together for 11, no children but owned a house together and a doggy I’m 28, he’s 29.

After an amazing 2 week holiday where he spent the entire time telling me how much he loved me and couldn’t wait to start a family with me and concvincing me we were ready for children .. 6 days later he got in bed with me and told me he didn’t love me anymore and 2 days later had moved out.

I’ve limited contact since and I’ve filed for divorce and buying him out of the home.

He’s been seeing someone new since 8 weeks after we split... Whenever we have to speak he will always cry and tell me how sorry he is, how I’ll always be the love of his life and how he’s letting me go because he doesn’t deserve me and I deserve the best .. Yawn.

I just cannot understand how someone can move on so quickly after 11 years with someone and a good relationship.

I honestly worry that I’m going to feel rubbish forever as none of this makes sense and I know I’ll never get proper answers about why the relationship ended.. I know this other girl wasn’t on the scene as my friend was at the party he met her at.

Please someone tell me that the pain does heal and I’ll move on and be happy like he has one day ... it’s been 6 months and although I have normal days, I still have a fair few bad ones!

Just reaching out for any words of wisdom you may have xx

Haven't got anything helpful to say but wanted to say I'm thinking of you. Do you think he might have had some kind of breakdown or something?

Stop idolizing him. Make a list of his faults..
Farts in bed.
Skids on bathroom floor..

Sounds like he was seeing or intending to start seeing this new woman whilst still with you.,

MyOtherProfile
Thank you, I’m alright just needed a vent ha! Some of his friends thought that but he’s king of pretending, I tried for the first 4 weeks to get him to open up, talk to me etc and he just shut himself down, I guess I’ll never know to be honest! X

mummmy2017
Haha he was a clean freak, my house is actually messier now Ha!
I definitely don’t idolise him anymore, I think he’s a piece of sh*te for what he’s done to me and he definitely has his faults that I remind myself of! Thank you x

knowingkaleidoscope
I totally understand you thinking that, I would and did too but my best friend was at the party they met (new girl is a friend of one his friends) and there is no chance they could’ve ever met before then. To be honest I kinda wish he did because at least then it would all make more sense! X

I just wanted to say that I have been in a similar boat to you and although you honestly believe you will never feel happy or in love with anyone ever again it will happen but does take time...
I went on holiday with my husband and 3 children and 3 days into the holiday he told me he was leaving and having an affair. I could not believe it - we had the marriage everyone wanted - we laughed and joked together and still got on well.... anyway cut a long story short it took me a good couple
of years to get over the shock and trying to work out what I was going to do with 3 shocked and upset little boys.... I started to enjoy being on my own which meant I enjoyed life again and now 6 years on I am getting married in the summer....
He is still floundering around on his 8th “love of his life” now.... I still get on fine with him because of the kids but now I look at him and it feels so strange that he was ever such a massively important part of my life.....
Hope you start to feel a bit better soon xx

Sorry to hear this. My experience is that men generally move on by literally 'moving on' with someone else. Women tend to take time after a painful breakup to work on themselves, sort their head out a bit, etc before entering another relationship.

It's pretty much guaranteed that it will all hit him at some point, regardless of how much he tries to ignore the past 11 years.

I was crushed after my 13 year marriage ended at the end of last year. He was having an affair and is still with the woman now (13 years younger...mid life crisis much?). I referred myself for counselling and didn't think about dating for 6 months so IF I do begin a new relationship I won't be carrying so much emotional baggage. His girlfriend will have to deal with all of that.

Smiler06
Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing your story, I can’t imagine going through all this and having 3 children to look after too, you must be one strong women!
Similar to you, all our friends and family were so shocked because we really did have a good relationship. Part of me thinks it’s a classic case of grass being greener but I’d never take him back even if he turned round and said it was a mistake, I know I’m worth more than that.
So glad you got your happy ending and hope you’re enjoying the wedding planning! Xx

Sunshineandflipflops
Thank you for replying and sharing your story, it’s so reassuring to hear I’m really not the only person to go through this and us women can survive! Deep down I know I’ll be ok, it’s just scary and strange that this man I planned an entire future with is now a stranger I don’t even recognise! Really hope you’re ok x