Loneliness and dating

[1manand1child]

Hi all,

I'm still quite a newbie round these parts.

I was just wondering how some of you single mums deal with loneliness and dating, while being a single parent with limited money/support network.

I've been a single parent to a 9yr old girl for over a year. The dust has settled on the break up from my Ex, but now a new problem is loneliness and dating.

The evenings were rarely a problem in the summer, but now some evenings are unbearable and I dread them.

I'm also incredibly fussy who I date and I've noticed that a lot of women are too now, as they dont want to take on other peoples kids... but when I do find someone who I like I'm trying not to be too interested 😂

Can anyone relate? Does anyone have any tips?

Be yourself. Don’t buy into the stupid dating “rules” you might read about. Just be yourself. If they don’t want to date you because you have a child, they’re not the right person. If you’re interested in them, show it. Sure you’ll probably have some disappointments but that’s better than letting the right one slip by because she thinks you’re not interested, or “playing it cool” for a while only for her to realise that you’re actually a more intense person.

I also don’t think that loneliness is the best motivation for dating so be careful with that. It can be easy to settle for the wrong relationship rather than feeling fulfilled in yourself and being able to wait for the right relationship.

Been through the mill with this - several times. I messed up repeatedly but learned a lot.

In the end I developed MY OWN set of rules to sort blokes out online when still at the messaging stage, these were things like:

Don’t go into WhatsApp too early - it’s what the men with many women on the go use to juggle. If he’s really interested he will use the app / site messaging.

Anything too sexual too early on generally isn’t a good sign. I blocked immediately with no explanation. Don’t get into an exchange if you feel offended - simply cut them off.

Don’t focus on one person too early on - keep messaging (and dating), even if you think you really like someone.

Don’t give too much info away. Not just obvious stuff like where you live, but also your relationship history. NEVER say anything that reveals any sense of loneliness / desperation.

Let them come back to you. Don’t chase messages. Never answer immediately.

Keep on swiping / matching - I found that men got bored / saw something they didn’t like and dropped out regularly.

My first two attempts at OLD I was far too needy and desperate, having emerged from a loveless and sexless marriage. I think this was obvious and I ended up in a few tricky situations as a result.

Best of luck x

To OP

Life does not come to an end because of Divorce. I Divorced 2 years ago and have new GF. She was married once, has two children, but widowed as husband sadly killed not long after second child was borne.

Neither of us want to marry again so we just meet up when we can and enjoy time together.