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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

In an intolerable situation

5 replies

tyhopho · 28/11/2018 16:30

After years of arguments and bitterness my wife and I have agreed to separate. I'm not quite sure I want to get into the reasons plus doing so in public is not fair.

I recently left teaching after nearly 21 years due to burnout and now work IT support for a reduced salary (take home pay is 600 pounds down). Despite the long term arguments there were signs of stability returning (after tumultuous wider family events the previous year as well) however after some issues my wife started pushing to separate. We have two children, 9 and 7, and we had also booked a holiday overseas leaving christmas day to see my mother for her 70th birthday. She has also lost her job recently and has been unable to find employment yet (but is not actively looking). We are therefore still living together.

The kids haven't been officially told but I'm pretty sure they have sussed what's going on. My friends locally are all parents with kids in the same classes as my kids. I therefore can't escape easily. I have no local family.

She has only now agreed to go to Relate but overall I feel we missed clear opportunities to rescue this. Regardless I feel that we need to separate only because I have no choice anymore and I've been pushed into a corner.

I really don't know what to do and this is beginning to affect my health and my work. I am diagnosed depressed and on prozac (with a doctors appointment coming up soon) but last night I spent 50 minutes howling on the phone to the samaritans.

OP posts:
PuddingPie1 · 28/11/2018 17:23

I don't have any advice for you but it's not too late to try Relate. I've been for two different relationships - first one couldn't be salvaged but it helped us work out a way to move forward for the sake of our kids and have an amicable relationship. The second time we were married two years later and still are. It's never too late even if it's just to help you through the separation. Good luck!

LadyLapsang · 28/11/2018 23:07

If you are separating, do you feel mentally well enough to have sole charge of the children over Christmas and would your wife be willing to let you take them abroad without her? There doesn't seem a lot of point going together if your marriage has ended.

tyhopho · 01/12/2018 15:30

@ladylapsang regrettably I don't feel well enough to do it by myself. I also don't think my ex would trust me to be able to do it even if I did feel well enough and the children certainly wouldn't choose to go away without her.

stuck - big time

OP posts:
tyhopho · 01/12/2018 15:31

@puddingpie1don't worry - I think I needed to vent and if something did come up it would have been a bonus

OP posts:
mumto2babyboys · 01/12/2018 15:33

You can also go to relate by yourself to deal with you own issues and learn how to work on a marriage. It didn't work for me but it does work for some

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