Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

14 year old and rights to see/not see dad

3 replies

westendgirlx · 19/11/2018 19:16

Hi! Thought I'd run this one past the Mumsnetters. I've also emailed my solicitor for advice btw!

Two years ago I left central belt Scotland, where I had lived with my husband and child, for Carlisle, after husband and I separated. We separated because I wanted myself and child to get away from emotional control and religious fanaticism.
Hence the move away.

He took me to court for custody and lost, but the sheriff (judge in Scotland) told me off in court for 'taking my child out of Scotland'. My comment that many parts of Scotland were further away than Carlisle did not go down well! She has a reputation for being a dragon!

We had a contact order in place where I had to take my child to see her dad on set dates and I had to do the transport because he doesn't drive.

Now we have to sort things out ourselves, according to the sheriff. He has sent me s list of weekends and holidays when he wants me to drive her up to see him. He is moving in two weeks and hasn't told me yet where to!

Our child is 14 in a couple of months. I want them to have a big day in what they want, but they are scared to upset dad, and a bit confused about what to say. They have told me in private that they are fed up of driving up and down to Scotland and would prefer school holidays only.

I have looked for independent advocates for my child, but unless they are looked after (in care) they can't have one!!

If he takes us back to court it will be under Scottish law, but we now live in England.

If we got the same sheriff, well she was quite moralistic about me separating from her dad and disapproving of me moving away from him, despite the circumstances. She told me that I had chosen to move so I had to pay for all the transport for contact.

Help!

OP posts:
westendgirlx · 19/11/2018 19:17

#i want my child to have a big SAY

OP posts:
Blossom5 · 20/11/2018 11:41

Hi my child was 11 when the UK court said she didn't have to see her dad. We have 4 other children who we share care of but the eldest witnessed his emotional abusive behaviour and was distressed therefore didn't want to see him. I think at 14 they get a pretty good say in the matter x

westendgirlx · 20/11/2018 18:55

Yes, my daughter was interviewed at age 11 about what she wanted, but the sheriff openly said in court that she disagreed with my daughter and that, in her opinion, she ought to have been returned to her dad simply because he lived in Scotland and because he had more family than me! His family are a bunch of religious fanatics on one side, and drug takers on the other! She said that the law was forcing her to take my daughter's views into consideration and that was the only reason my daughter was allowed to stay with me!

I'm always scared that if I don't agree to everything he asks for I'll be back in court Infront of her.

I'm going to try a what's app conversation soon with her dad to try to discuss things properly. I have to be so careful as he misconstrues things and emails them to his solicitor! But, a phone call is worse and just impossible. I have no written evidence of an agreement either unless it's all done by what's App

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread