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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

DS came home saying he had to sleep on the sofa at ex's because daddy's girlfriend was there

14 replies

Originallymeonly · 15/11/2018 21:21

Been divorced since May, instigated by me and DV/emotional and financial abuse involved. DS goes to his dad's every week midweek overnight by court order.
Completely out of the blue DS told me today that he had to sleep on the sofa at his dad's this time because daddy's girlfriend was staying.
DS can't remember what daddy's girlfriend's name is and this was the first time he met her.
On the one hand I am not surprised, ex is a complete twat who uses his children like accessories to make him look good, and has zero understanding of the potential impact of his behaviour on his son. On the other hand I am furious that he has literally forced my child out of the room he has slept in since May, sharing with his dad.
He has 5 nights a week to see his girlfriend.
Not really looking for advice as such, I suppose i should be thankful the ex's new girlfriend doesn't appear to come with more children for ex to play Disney dad with, but seriously, what an arse he is.
Do i have any rights as resident parent to know who else is looking after my child? Is there a Claire's law/Sarah's law type thing for girlfriends?

OP posts:
RagingWhoreBag · 15/11/2018 21:29

Sadly you don’t really have any right to dictate who is there when your DS is with his dad, no matter how little trust you have in his choices.

I guess if you had any real reason to suspect something was off then you could ask about Claire’s law, but I would presume that would only be allowed if you had reason to suspect something was wrong, not just checking up on a new GF.

As hard as it is, you may have to let the GF thing go, but it could be worth mentioning that ex needs to provide a proper bed, as sleeping on a sofa isn’t always comfortable.

Originallymeonly · 15/11/2018 22:12

I don't want to dictate, and I carefully responded very neutral "oh that's nice that daddy has a girlfriend, they might have to get another bed instead of the sofa" but I just wish, well I guess if ex wasn't a twat he wouldn't be my ex?

OP posts:
llangennith · 15/11/2018 22:50

If there's no second bedroom for your DS to sleep in then maybe ex shouldn't have DS overnight.

seahorse85 · 15/11/2018 22:54

The first time they get a girlfriend is always hard. But unless she poses a genuine threat you wouldn't be able to do anything. It's a massive shame however that on his ONE night, he can't just spend it with his son!

RagingWhoreBag · 15/11/2018 22:57

well I guess if ex wasn't a twat he wouldn't be my ex? indeed Grin

As long as DS is safe and happy then try to detach, enjoy your time off and feel pleased that the lives of communication are open for him to talk to you about the time he spends away from you.

RagingWhoreBag · 15/11/2018 22:57

*lines

Originallymeonly · 15/11/2018 23:40

See I knew you lot would sort me out Flowers

OP posts:
wobytide · 16/11/2018 00:57

If there's no second bedroom for your DS to sleep in then maybe ex shouldn't have DS overnight.

Fucking hell. New rules, no child should ever live with a parent unless they have their own room to themselves.

Hopoindown31 · 16/11/2018 08:06

You can't control what your ex does, he hasn't put your child in danger as far as I can see. I presume he is living in a one bed flat because that is all he can afford after your divorce.

Maybe suggest to DS that he asks his Dad to get a sofa bed if this happens again.

blackcat86 · 16/11/2018 08:22

Surely DS should be provided with an appropriate place to sleep -bed, sofa bed, futon, air bed etc. Just on the sofa isn't really appropriate for a child IMO. How old is DS? Is it even appropriate that he shares with his dad (unless he's really young of course). If your ex can't provide an appropriate place for DS to sleep then he shouldn't be having him overnight.

JoyceTempleSavage · 16/11/2018 08:27

Fucking hell. New rules, no child should ever live with a parent unless they have their own room to themselves

Well they should certainly have a bed to themselves

5fivestar · 16/11/2018 12:45

Mine had to stay in a travel lodge used by the local homeless and junkies, I had evidence- this was deemed acceptable by social services. My small bathroom on the other hand was a “concern”. It’s all fucked up

Santaispolishinghissleigh · 16/11/2018 12:52

I would contact your solicitor. When our case was in court we had to show where dc slept. It had to be own bed +own room.

TheOrigFV45 · 29/11/2018 18:47

Ds2 (age 9) has never had his own room. He has shared with me since the day he was born - both while and after my marriage ended. He lives with me full time.
Ex raised it as a concern, but no one was. DS is fine.

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