50 50 custody

[2018anewstart]

Currently going through a divorce. My stbxh is going to go for 50 50 custody through the courts. I am devastated but I also know my children will be devastated if this is granted. They are 11 and 7. He has had little involvement in the childrens lives and has always put his work, hobbies and other women before them and me. We went to mediation and the mediator suggested that my 11 year come in and talk to mediator direct. I was happy with this as I thought it would ensure her true feelings are heard. However my husband refused. I think he knew she'd say that she didn't want regular overnight access never mind 50 59 custody. They are ok seeing him a few times a week...that is what they gave asked for I'm the interim. Both my children have adjusted to the split brilliantly however my daughter is now concerned as her dad told her the court will decide access. I am telling her not to worry as it will be all ok. However the fact a stranger will decide what's in their best interests is worrying me. Would just like to know if this has happened to anyone else and my husbands chances are getting 50 50? Any advice appreciated.

Maybe it's a opportunity for your ex to be the father he should be.
Unless there are safeguarding or massive practical issues then it's not unreasonable for him to want this. It's not common to have 50:50 and often not in the children's best interests of the parents are not amicable.

Put the children first - the judge will see right through either of you trying to use the children.

If he's had nothing to do with them till now then he will need to show he's got things in place for his contact time.

I have always put the children first and even now if I thought they wanted to live with their dad 50% of the time I would let them go even though I would find it hard. However they have both told me in no uncertain terms that they wish to live with me.

At the moment the one evening a week he sees them his parents pick them up from school as he can't get there in time due to work. I am ok with this as they get to see their grandparents. However if he wants further days and this continues to happen. It seems ridiculous that their grandparents pick them up when I am there for them?

an 11 and 7 year old are telling you what they think you want to hear. They are possibly telling him they want to see him as much. You never know hence why the courts have to use CAFCASS or someone similar who can talk to the children independently and find out what their feelings are. The courts will do what is in the best interests of the children, not what the parents want. That could well match what you've said but it's for them to find that out

I agree wobytide if an independent person speaks to them to see what their wishes are. I am confident that what the children are saying to me is their wish. I just wonder how much the courts will listen to this due to their ages and tryng to get some idea of other people's experiences. I can see that my husband is treating this like one of his business cases and just wants to win at all costs and not putting the children first.

The 11 year old will definitely be listened to and to a large extent the 7 year old will be too.

At this stage it is unlikely cafcass will talk to the children. You would have to have genuine safe guarding.