Handhold please - controlling bully h & i separated last nite

[Justme1981]

Hi all

Ive recently posted on here, last night got up the courage to speak with h, we have now separated. Im a cross between panicking /upset/relieved/agonising fear of losing my ds.
Not sure why im posting really but it has beem massively helpful having mumsnet with me!

Handhold from me OP. You have done the right thing, but it is a BIG thing too, so understandable and completely normal to feel wobbly

Thank you, i keep trying to focus on the positives - but its v hard!!

Is he amicable with the idea of going separate ways ? Will you stay in the house ? Sending you strength op x

Hi no hes not amicable at all!! We rent & im staying put hes going to family 20 miles away, he agreed childcare verbally last night then after i emailed to confirm he changed his mind & now wont even tell me where ds will be sleeping just keeps saying "i need to seek legal advice" i did say i dont think he needs legal advice to tell me that!!! His behaviour has just gotten worse, i think his family are not helping, - definitely reinforced separating was the right thing to do

Is he taking your ds with him? Who is the main caregiver at the moment?

It's a bit odd that he's taking Ds with him but at least you've taken the first step. If he's a controlling bully, you're going to be so much better off without him.

Thanks, we are splitting childcare, he just keeps changing his mind on what is agreed. I'm main carer but he doesnt see it that way, his current proposal is that he bring ds to mine before he starts work at 5am! hes currently in my (our former) home writing an inventory!

He'll soon get fed up with that! He's only doing it to piss you off. I wonder how long it will last, and it's not necessarily the best thing for the DS, especially if he's very young. Does DS sleep well?

Seems common that the Partner who did not suggest/initiate the separation reacts negatively. They seem unable to handle the rejection?

OP does not say how old is the DS. Children should be given priority when parents separate. The younger the children the higher the level of priority in my view.

He's only doing it to piss you off

Very likely to be the case. Using children as weapons seems to happen a lot too. How parents think that benefits the child I have no idea.

To OP

Suggest you need to find out what exactly is happening with DS. Is he getting to school okay if he has been moved 20 miles away? Is DS happy to be at his grandparents house? What is his sleeping arrangements? Did you agree to DS being whisked off to Husband's parent's house?