Ex keeps messing me around with childcare

[Kirstylauren22]

Hi all, I basically need some advice. Me and my ex came to an agreement that he would have our two children on a Wednesday and a Sunday, allowing me to go to work on a Tuesday, Wednesday and Saturday (my parents have the children Tuesday & Saturday) Anyway the last few months he has chopped and changed his days off and hasn’t had a Sunday off in weeks which hasn’t really affected me because I don’t work a Sunday anyway. However I’ve recently got a new job which requires me to work a Saturday and Sunday so I’ve told him he needs to ensure he goes back to having his Sunday off so that I can work. As the main caregiver and only source of income in the household you’d think he’d be accommodating but we ended up having a huge row in which he said how dare I think my job is more important than his. He’s also just got himself a new job and he said he can’t guarantee he’s going to get the Sunday off, for me to go to work. So I’m just wondering where I stand on this... I don’t want to have this give up this new job opportunity because he’s messing me around. Any advice would be appreciated!!

I take it there's no formal or legal agreement in place?
Would your parents be able to do Sunday instead of Tuesday? The ex doesn't sound like he can be relied on for childcare.

The thing about calling it childcare is it seems like he is being asked to do you a favour...
And exes don't do that ime.

There’s nothing legal or set in stone, no. My parents can do the Sunday. I’ve told him that he needs to tell his new job that me and him have come to an arrangement where he needs to have the Sunday off & if he can’t do that then he’ll have to try and find childcare for Sunday since it’s his usual day to have the kids. Am I being unreasonable in this? 😔

Ime relying on your ex to look after your children whilst you're at work is a perfect set up for the ex to emotionally and financially abuse you. Nothing is stopping them from refusing to do it which leaves you without childcare. I'd be looking for paid childcare and take that control away from him.

When does he see the children? Does he have contact in holidays? Christmas etc? How old are they?

If it was agreed then I don’t think you are being unreasonable but having nothing legal in place I don’t think you’d really have a leg to stand on.
He does need set days, so if he works on those days then he has to try and find child care. Can you go to mediation and come to arrangement? Then you can pay for it to be legally binding without the need of court.

I mentioned the word ‘court’ and the whole thing blew up, he couldn’t believe I’d even thought of the idea! They’re 5 and 1, he has the oldest overnight probably once a month and he doesn’t have the youngest one at all overnight.

Courts can't force non resident parents to have contact. They can only force you to make your dc available for contact so he's got nothing to fear about court except it proving he's an arse. Your only option is to get official childcare.