AIBU pre-existing commitments

[Thelonewolf]

Up until the summer term my ex has taken our son swimming every Sunday since he was 2. He is almost 8. We have split care 50:50, however he is now refusing to take him on “his weekends off” this coincides with a new woman appearing on the scene. My son doesn’t want to go unless daddy takes him, yet my ex insists I take him. As a result our son doesn’t want to go. What do I do?

[AnneLovesGilbert]

Why is he refusing to go if you take him?

Your ex isn't being unreasonable to want time off on the weekends your son is with you.

[BlueBug45]

Your ex isn't being unreasonable to refuse to take him the weekends he doesn't care for him

Tell your 8 year old son as you both want him to swim well and see he can, the person who has him on that weekend will take him. Then actually parent your son by taking him on a weekend you have him.

[Notacluewhatthisis]

Yabu. You can't say it's 50:50 care if he is expected to also do things for your son when it's your weekend.

My exh will help out if it's my time with our son and it's an emergency. But no way would he be doing a weekly hobby if it wasn't his day.

When it's your time with the kids, they are your responsibility.

[Brakebackcyclebot]

You tell DS that you're taking him and he's going. He's 8! Who is in control here?

And what PPs said about your time your responsibility. Don't make this about how You feel about your ex having a new gf.

[MrsChristianTrevelyanGrey]

How long have you been separated? If it's a couple of years and he's now changing his mind I can see why you're annoyed but if it falls on your weekend then it's not down to his dad to take him, if your son refuses then he's the only one missing out

[Thelonewolf]

We’ve been separated for 4 years (his choice) it hit our son very hard at the time and his dad promised to always take him swimming which he has done. I’m annoyed that he’s broken his promise, he’d made a commitment and now he’s gone back on it.

[AnneLovesGilbert]

Did you expect the arrangement would stay in place forever OP? Things change and he's completely right to want his weekends free to make plans when you have DS, as you are free to do when he has DS. How would you feel if he insisted you do something for him every weekend, whether or not it's your contact time? That would mean you could never make plans of your own. And it is "for him" because it's not for your DS who can get to swimming perfectly well with you instead of his Dad.

Your reference to his new gf makes it seem like the issue is more about that than swimming itself and it's understandable if you find him moving on with someone else tricky to get used to. But it's been 4 years. Everyone should be moving on. You DS will barely remember his parents ever being together. It's okay for for your ex to want to change things and have more freedom when he doesn't have DS.

[Thelonewolf]

The shared arrangement didn’t start until the middle of last year, before that I had to fit in around him. He made it quite difficult for me to move on or get some semblance of a life back.
Our relationship ended because he had an affair whilst I was pregnant with our second child.

[Santaispolishinghissleigh]

Broke vows and you expected him to keep his word??

[ArnoldBee]

This is why I never make promises to children. It does actually sound like the arrangement is more sensible for you both going forwards.

[Halloweenallyearround]

It's not fair to you and that seems to be your issue.
You have to protect your ds from any feelings that his DF not taking him causes. You can't just say you DF doesn't or won't take you because that will cause a bundle of pain for the ds.
You said he's always taking him, so tell your ds your excited that you finally get a chance to get involved.