Pulled out of mediation days away

[killingmesoftly70]

Ok, so I've been waiting 4 weeks for our first mediation together. Booked my train tickets and sorted out children so that I could go on Friday. Phone call yesterday from mediator to say he's pulled out.
Separated for 3 years, he doesn't talk to me and usually blanks me if he comes to pick up the kids and often doesn't reply to text/email on the rare occasions I need to tell him something (usually about the children)
He still lives in family home and I rent with children and have done for the pat 3 years. I've not asked him for money though he has sent each month for the kids and took nothing from the home when I left. There is nothing in writing though and this has dropped in the past few months. I'm tired now and have a solicitor in place to start a divorce but wanted to try to mediate first.
I'm on a small salary and we struggle whilst he's in a 3 bed house in London with proceeds from another property he sold recently.
He wrote an email to me yesterday saying he wasn't going to mediation because he wanted a process that would be in the best interests of him and the children. (Which is what I tried to do through mediation).
I don't really understand what he means by this and it's kind of left me stumped as to what to do next.
My solicitor was in the process of writing him a letter to ask if he's agree to an amicable divorce (on the basis of two years).
I have emailed solicitor about the mediation but have not had any reply.
He's quite an awkward person and can be controlling and treated me as if i didn't exist really in the marriage like now.
I guess this is going to be a long, rocky road.

Any advice>?

Create a complete table of pre and post marriage finances.

Seek advice as to what is reasonable.

His reluctance is most likely because he is getting a raw deal.

Make him an offer and keep it amicable.

Lawyers will cost £50k if it gets messy.

Ss we had not started on finances. He was given his form at his MIAMs I guess like me but I actually have no idea about his finances nor does my solicitor so no deal has been made as yet.

You cannot mediate or even divorce until you both at least list all finances including debt.

Don't bother with paying lawyers until you have this simple table drawn up.

Valuation of home. Pensions. Debt. Etc.

Create a list of it all including who brought what to the table before and during marriage.

You need to stop using lawyers to communicate. It's a waste of money.

Meet

Discuss

Agree

If he's refusing to mediate. Document it all and tell the judge / lawyer that you tried.

Tell him that if he doesn't meet to discuss, then next step is court action.

Your both trying to agree. Sounds like he is stalling.

Remind him you want to avoid court and lawyers.

At the end of the day. A settlement needs to be reached amicably. It is cheaper for everybody.

I had all mine ready Ss for this meeting on Friday (the orange form) and compiled my own documents and as it is not going ahead, I am looking into what to do next. As we have lived apart for three years, I do not know what his financial situation really is apart from the properties.
He does not speak to me so there is no communication about it between us.

Open up the lines of communication.

Lawyers get paid regardless.

Talk talk talk with him

Is no on reading - her ex doesn’t want to talk. He’s bloody stalling.
Have you sent off the divorce petition - you are divorcing him i assume - is it on two years separation. Has he had the papers yet?
I think you do need a solicitor actually then he knows you mean business. Some do half hours free advice - you can get a feel for them and find out costs. He can’t bury his head in the sand for life.
You can apply to the CSA for your maintenance payments so he can’t duck them.
I’m going through a divorce but we communicate via email.
Keep all evidence re mediation refusal.
I’m not sure what else to advise.
You could telephone wikidivorce to see if they have any advice.

I’ve just read on another thread you can seek a court order to get the house sold - seek advice.

If there really is no communication then your solicitor should advise how to proceed.

I'm against a needless waste of money though.

Is there a rush to diviorce?

Why not simply do nothing?

Hi SS OP said it’s been three years!!! She may want to stop renting and see if she can buy her own place .

Hi, I want to divorce not for financial gain but because he is still in control of my life basically even though we live miles apart.
I live on my own with the children (and always have) and he sees them when he wants and expects me to drop any plans if he visits. He always leave the youngest with me and will only take the eldest two. (they are all his children).

He sold a property 6 months ago and said the children and I could have the proceeds to buy somewhere. I secured a small mortgage and told the children who were very excited. The day he got the money from the sale he changed his mind and we didn't get anything.
I've paid out around 25K for rent so far.
He didn't speak to me in the marriage and would go silent on me for days to punish me. This is what he still does now.

I am seeing a counsellor too to try and untangle my feelings of feeling sorry for him all the time!

Mary, My name was never on the deeds ( the one bought when we were married and he still lives) so my solicitor told me to register my interest which I did a few weeks ago. :)