Difficult ExH won't leave me alone - 2 years after he left me!

[Lorry123]

I am at my wits end. ExH left me for OW in a very very ugly way 2 years ago. Since then he has made my life utter hell. We have two DS's and he is rude, abusive, controlling and obstructive in all his communication and although I try my best to ignore, or provide grey rock responses he keeps going.

Last year he took me to court over child custody which was stressful but meant that all our shared arrangements and holidays are now locked into a court order which should mean no further issues right?

Wrong. His latest tirade is because he wants me to swap holidays early next week and although I have made it clear that a) I already have family plans for that half term and b)am following the court order in place he is he is now hassling me through a solicitor telling me as 'I won't change my mind he is considering his options'.

This is about the 6th solicitors letter I have received from him in a month covering subjects ranging from why I didn't tell him the kids had a dentist appointment to why did I sign up my DS for drumming lessons at school without his prior agreement. I am replying to all of them myself but my questions are:

• is there anything he can do to force me to change my holidays even through we have it all locked into a court order,

• do I have to keep replying to these nonsense solicitors letters, and

• is there anything I can do to get him to leave me alone?

He wants me to change the holiday for a 'family event'. This event is his new (3rd) wife's parents wedding anniversary.

My main concern is that if I say yes to this then this is giving an inch that will turn into a huge mile and he will come after me to change any number of other arrangements in the order that he doesn't like based on the fact that I said yes once. I need to be very black and white with him because he uses any 'grey area' against me to trample all over me.

If I say yes to this but no to another future request then it will happen again. I want to set the tone that we have a clear order in place that neither of us should deviate from giving we are in such a high conflict situation.

It is not possible to co-parent as he is such a toxic character.

I haven’t read the whole thread but only the OP.

My advice would be to ignore him and all solicitors letters. A solicitor will put anything in a letter that a paying client wants.

If you have a court ordered contact order and dates are specified, no he can change them unless you agree. If you don’t agree it’s upto him to get a prohibitive steps order and to request the change in court.

My OH has a very challenging EW. She is abusive in communication. A judge has ordered that she is only allowed to contact my OH via email and regarding child matters. All abusive emails (and texts as she can’t help herself) are ignored. My OH replays to any child matters in a business like and unemotional matter.

When you respond it fuels their fire.

My OH is 6 years down the line and it has got better. It’s not perfect. Remember you can’t control them but you can control how you react and how you feel.

Ignore him and hopefully he’ll calm down.

Oh yes, also had the I will show child papers when they are older. This was said outside the courtroom. His solicitor reacted before anyone else - you do that and it only reinforces what world is saying. I have said many times you need to stop putting yourself first and actually consider the child. And you still wonder why you are only ever getting fully supervised contact.

Not long afterwards twat found himself without a solicitor.

I agree OP. Just bear in mind that one day you might want to request a change. If you've said no, so will he.
I get that you don't want to open the floodgates. You need to weigh each up against the other.
Non blood relations wedding anniversary is no big deal. However, he would say that it's in the DCs' interests for them to be treated equally to the SDCs in order to achieve a smoothly blended family.
I think it is dangerous to refuse for fear of future requests. What if you ever want to make a request? And you can say no when spurious further requests are made.

No decent solicitor would send pointless letters for the sake of it. We are bound by professional rules -hence you should threaten a complaint if they really are spurious. I also think you should point out that they are playing along with his desire to harass you.

Stick. To. The. Court. Order.

There is a reason you have a court order

Stick to it

ignore him, every last word he spew, every letter he pays someone to send - all of it.

You don't have to reply to his request because the court order is set - he made that happen because he is an arse

I've taught my OH to ignore his Ex, it's done him wonders and she is completely unable to use their child as an instrument of torture, which means the child is actually a lot safer than she was when he gave this awful woman the time of day.

Ignore.

Simply ignore the letters or write back a letter yourself. Keep a copy and do registered post.

Each letter costs £500 from a lawyer.

Both of you need to be amicable.

Neither parent can relocate without the permission of the other.

That is where I'd consult a lawyer.

It impacts the children and relationship too much.