Hello,
I am having a bad few weeks and I am reaching out to anyone with any advice or just using this as a platform to get everything off my chest. I feel broken :-(
In January my husband left me, he told me he didn't love me anymore, didn't want to work on it, would never have any feelings for me ever again and just walked out the door leaving me with my then 15 month old son. He told me on New Years Eve that he didn't have feelings for me but wanted to work on it but after 2 weeks of him not trying and pretty much ignoring me I asked him if he thought some space might help and he said no he wanted out and we were separated. He had spent the last 6 months pushing me away and I couldn't see it. It has come out now that he started losing feelings for me when our son was 6 months old. We had been together 13 years, married for 3 and were thrilled when our son was born but I noticed that I changed but he didn't, he was still going out and getting drunk on a Tuesday night, he would never compliment me or make me feel loved. We started arguing because he would rather spend his time with his friends then me and our son. He was always quite verbally abusive when he didn't like what I said calling me a b**ch or too sensitive if he reduced me to tears, looking back now he did this for the whole of our relationship but I just buried my head in the sand for some reason. I said to myself I have to do everything I can before I can walk away from this marriage. I thought in November maybe he was having an affair, he was working late nights and coming home and showering before he came to say hello to us but he told me I was being stupid and he was just sweaty after moving equipment around at work. He reduced me to a paranoid lonely shadow of myself. Since he has left I have been happier in part because I am no longer treading on eggshells but I found out recently that he is seeing someone that it was recent and that he wanted to wait to introduce our son. I have no loving feelings for this man anymore but I really struggle with the broken family unit. It has now come out that he has been seeing her since May and that my son has met her. I am broken, I am slightly over weight with a saggy mum tum, stretch marks and sometime I pee a little when I sneeze and I have to start all over again. I am imaging she is some young thing with a perfect body, slim etc... I have no confidence in myself. I can't believe I got this man so wrong after 13 years. I am just so fed up of feeling like this. I know I don't want to be with him, he lied to me for months telling me he loved me and we were just going through a tough time, making me secure but then ignoring me, shouting at me and making me feel so miserable then rest of the time, he said he acted like a coward but I think he was just cruel. I have so many questions I will never get the answers to. Why does he get to be so happy when I am completely broken?