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I'm screwed aren't I? :(

19 replies

reforder · 22/10/2018 11:41

Hi there, I'd really appreciate some advice.

DP (not married - together 5 years) wants me to move out with our one year old twin DDs and I haven't a penny to my name. The children weren't planned (contraception failure) but he convinced me to go ahead with the pregnancy but as soon as the children were born it seemed he virtually changed over night.

He owns the home, no mortgage he owns it outright. He also owns another house, it's in negative equity but it's rented out so the rent covers the mortgage.

He's self employed, earns good money but has it set up as a limited company and pays himself a small wage, so on paper it looks like he has a very small income.

I work part time for his company doing the bookkeeping/accounts but I do this at home while looking after DDs so I'm mostly a SAHM.

So now I'm left with no job, no house and most likely no child maintenance from him as it appears he has a meager income. He doesn't do anything with the children so I'm going to be soley responsible for all their needs and I'm panicking Sad

I've applied for lots of full time jobs and have two interviews next week so I'm hopeful I'll get something soon but it won't be high income and the costs of childcare and rent in my area are sky high. I don't know what to do. I have no family close by to help and even if I scrape together nursery fees I don't know if I'll get a space - I've contacted three so far and none have spaces right now. Even the car is in his name so I will literally have nothing

He wants us out by the end of the month... I'm feeling really low and overwhelmed right now, does anyone have any advice? Thank you for reading.

OP posts:
MadeForThis · 22/10/2018 12:12

If you have access to his business accounts I would gather as much evidence of income as possible.
Would you get any support from his family with childcare?

Go onto to check what benefits you could get.

With twins that young going immediately into work might not be your best option.

What a bastard.

MadeForThis · 22/10/2018 12:13

Could you move home closer to family. Rent could be cheaper and you could have some support. If he's kicking you all out he can't dictate where you go.

redastherose · 22/10/2018 12:26

He can't force you to leave if you have nowhere to go. Please go and see a Solicitor today and get legal advice. Also worth speaking to your local Housing Authority to get advice as to whether they would be able to assist you with accommodation if he does turf you out.

He has a responsibility for supporting your children. Also, as PP says, take copies of everything you can concerning his business and the way in which he structures his income. He has to be declaring all wages and dividend payments he is making to himself to HMRC so there will be a record of how much he is 'earning' which will not necessarily be reflected by the wages he pays himself. If you can get copies of those all the better. If you haven't got access to a photocopier take photographs of everything you can find and email them to yourself.

With regard to your employment by his firm, has he been paying you a proper wage for this work? If not has he been declaring you as an employee? You may have rights concerning the forced termination of your employment too.

Please get legal advice asap.

ShipwreckedUK · 22/10/2018 13:27

Sorry to read this, what a tool he is.

I just found this online - some useful info as you have children together (seeing as property isn't yours and you aren't married I believe straight up property rights aren't cut and dry. Don't agree to go anywhere until you have had some legal advice.

MissedTheBoatAgain · 23/10/2018 00:19

So now I'm left with no job, no house and most likely no child maintenance from him as it appears he has a meager income

Most people who operate through Limited Company pay themselves the minimum wage to qualify for National Insurance Credits and then pay themselves Dividends on top as that is the most Tax efficient way to take money from the Limited Company.

Dividends are Taxable so they must be included on the Self Assessment Tax Return, but are considered as Unearned Income.
CMS overlook unearned income when making their assessment unless prompted by the applicant by making a Variation.

Good luck

PersonaNonGarter · 23/10/2018 00:22

Do not leave the house. Do not leave.

MissedTheBoatAgain · 23/10/2018 02:13

As OP is not married I am not sure what the Legal position would be as regards the house? She needs to make an appointment for advice ASAP. Meanwhile check if she is entitled to:

Child benefit
Child Tax Credits
Reduced Council Tax if she moves to another property
If she finds a job maybe entitled to Working Tax Credits too
Check if eligible for help with childcare costs

Sounds like this guy has had a panic attack since the twins arrived. Might be a long shot, but he might get over it and realize that he is potentially blighting 3 people's lives.

As my Mother once said. If a Woman has a Job and can support herself before marriage/children appear she should hang on to that Job as never can tell what will happen in the future.

Oliversmumsarmy · 23/10/2018 02:30

Do not leave the house. This is your children's home and it could be argued that as he isn't able to provide maintenance because of his "pitiful" earnings then your children need a home and as primary carer you can't leave the children.

As there is another house he could move in there after he has terminated the rental agreement on the property.

I would get all the information about his earnings and dividends and profit and loss accounts.

I would see a solicitor and I wouldn't be moving anywhere.

If it is a Limited company are you on the books as joint shareholder or someone else

MissedTheBoatAgain · 23/10/2018 04:03

I would get all the information about his earnings and dividends and profit and loss accounts

If he is a one man Ltd Company then the accounts that can be obtained online from Companies House may be abbreviated accounts that don't show much other than a Balance Sheet?

Salary and Dividends and any other income should all be listed on the Tax Return.

ghostlygal · 23/10/2018 04:15

Ok I've literally been in the same boat as you and all is not lost. First of all apply for free legal aid and contact women's aid for advice. Citizens advice can also help -

Then email yourself copies of all the P&L's, balance sheets and tax returns for the past 5 years. Get evidence of the work you've done for the company such as payroll. Get evidence of bills you've paid in the home, for children etc you'll need these to prove to a judge that you've beneficial interest in the homes.

Don't to leave the house until you've had legal advice. Don't let him bully you into going either. Put money aside into a separate bank account as you will need it as he will likely (seems to already have) be financially abusive.

Also no matter what Do not let him bully you or scare you

If you are scared call refuge or women's aid

AutismDadvocate · 23/10/2018 04:24

Lawyer up - you'll own everything by the end of the year. Call local lawyers and ask for PROBONO support - emphasise your plight and that children are involved.

Call FACS (Family and Community Services) and do the same.

Last resort call LEGAL AID for help.

ghostlygal · 23/10/2018 04:49

@reforder also are you a shareholder?

Ss770640 · 24/10/2018 18:35
  1. Companies house online will show his total earnings including dividend payments that he receives. Dividends are not salary but easily printable to demonstrate his source of income. Just look up the company name and print off the final year accounts. Dividends essentially is income just not classed as a salary. Think of them as bonuses.

2. See this
MissedTheBoatAgain · 25/10/2018 00:34

Companies house online will show his total earnings including dividend payments that he receives. Dividends are not salary but easily printable to demonstrate his source of income

Not necessarily. Depends on how large the turnover is as to whether or not Profit and Loss accounts have to be filed. Many one person Limited Companies only show balance sheet. However, one benefit of looking at Companies House online is that OP can see if he is Director of other Ltd Company that she may not yet be aware of?

As you were not married I guess that changes things a lot when it comes to asset split. However, it makes no difference to Child Maintenance. Father have to pay for their children whether they are married or not.

Lonecatwithkitten · 25/10/2018 09:11

How long have you been working for the company? If it is over two years he can not just stop employing you, he would need to find a reason to dismiss you or make you redundant.
At this point you need to use employment law to help you as well.

greendale17 · 25/10/2018 09:16

Do not leave the house. Do not leave.

^It is not her house. She isn’t married. She has not a leg to stand on unfortunately.

MorningCuppa · 25/10/2018 09:48

What sort of "man" would be making his children leave there home, not only that but giving you one month to do this. What an utter bastard he is.

Don't leave op, seek legal advice, are you on the council list? If not then put your name on it just in case.

Xenia · 25/10/2018 10:43

The Children Act may allow an unmarried partner with children to stay in the house. Stay put and ideally see a solicitor for an hour's advice. I paid my lower earner husband's solicitors' bills.

Check i f you are an employee of his company and if so he may not be able to terminate your empoyment contract without at least some compensation as you would have employee rights.
I suspect you arenm't a director of his company but go on companieshouse website urgently as advised above to check. The accounts there will probably not tell you very much .

You have had 4 years with him befoer the babies when presumably you both worked full time. Did any of the money you earned then pay the mortgage? If so that might have built you up some kind of equitable right in the property.

Whatever happens it may be wise in due course to go back to work - I was back full time in weeks with baby twins which obviously helped us hugely on the divorce; and secondly find as much information as you can about his finances. Thirdly is there a compromise - eg he might be h appy you stay if you go back to full time work now and you each pay half the nursery cost? He may just be finding adjusting to life with babies very hard. Perhaps counselling might help you both. It may be he needs more free time (not that he's entitled to it!). there may just be a few things he needs to sort things out happily. make sure if they have them you have the children's passports so he does not take them off abroad somewhere.

MissedTheBoatAgain · 26/10/2018 01:00

What sort of "man" would be making his children leave there home, not only that but giving you one month to do this. What an utter bastard he is

A good summary.


Have you made contact with CMS yet? You need to ASAP as they can only back date to the date of your application.

The housing issue needs some quick action too. As you are not married it moves the goal posts big time even though there are children involved.

Maybe try Citizens Advise Bureau as well?

Good luck

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