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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Residence order

2 replies

Bluebella47 · 17/10/2018 00:02

I wondered if anyone had experience with changing a residency order. (This predates the child arrangement order) My son is nearly 14 and has a very strained relationship with his father (who I left due to coercive control before it was a recognised form of abuse). Anyway, my son is experiencing this now and I don’t want to make a big thing of it as I want to protect and preserve as much of their bond as poss. However, ds wants to love with me and see dad as he wishes. Mediation isn’t a great avenue due to previous attempts long ago. And also because ds would find it stressful! His dad can be incredibly charming and might well misrepresent who he really is. He’s good at that! DS wants more independence and needs to grow a bit into being a teenager, but his dad doesn’t let him communicate with his friends - no computer or social networks. The phone he has is under his control and there’s no privacy. I think he’s finding it stifling. Is there a way of ds being able to have the order altered to give him more freedom? He wants to play football on weekends, but he’s not allowed when he’s on his dad weeks. The order is 50/50, alternate weeks. Both his dad and I are remarried and we each have more children. So it’s imperative he is able to see both sisters (at respective houses). Do I have to apply to the court on his behalf to get a Cafcass officer to meet him? And what if his wishes aren’t met, and he has to spend half his time with his dad who will feel rejected and angry. It’s really hard to protect him. I feel damned if I do and damned if I don’t. I’ve tried google. And lawyers in the past, it’s so expensive. I think I have to wait until he’s 18. It’ll be so damaging.
Advice needed!! 😔

OP posts:
Bluebella47 · 17/10/2018 00:04

live with. Not love with.

OP posts:
Originallymeonly · 17/10/2018 08:47

The advice i had with my 14 year old was that they have to tell someone outside the family about it, so can you see if there's anyone at school who can help by offering pastoral care?
Once a concern is raised outside of your immediate family it becomes less likely to be blamed on you.
I'm not sure if you can contact cafcass directly. I know from filling in the form for CAO that a child can apply for variation themselves.

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