No contact with children whilst they are with my ex partner

[Gig1986]

Hello everyone,
I have been separated from my ex partner for 8 months now. He see's our two children aged 5 and 8 one night a weekend and for two hours every Tuesday. My issue is there is no contact between my ex partner and i at all. He picks them up by waiting outside, he does not talk to me. He has blocked my number so i have no way of contacting him either. We went to mediation where everything was his terms he picked the days and times and would not budge on anything. We initially had a third party (my cousin) who we would contact if there was every an emergency with the children but my ex partner started being abusive towards her so we had to end that contact. My children have very busy lives and sometimes he needs to know about events etc. but i have no way of letting him know. Also, if anything happens to the children in mine or his care he still refuses to contact me and i can't contact him. His parents don't want to know either so i cant contact them. He also does not allow my children to contact me whilst they are with him which i find upsetting as it confuses them. It's a controlling issue, he is a very controlling person and knows by him doing this it makes my life very difficult. He refuses more mediation. I dont know what to do..is he allowed to do this? Any help would be so much appreciated

Hi, my DH doesn't have much contact with my DSD mum as she has been abusive in the past. However he got an additional phone that they now use to contact each other with any events or issues around her wellbeing. I'm sure a solicitor would back you up on this. This is not reasonable and if I was in your position I would cease contact until he agrees to a way of contact. Id never suggest stopping contact but you are their mum and should be informed if anything was to happen. What if you provided a cheap payg phone? I'm presuming you wouldn't expect to speak to them much but to be notified in the case of an emergency?

You are allowing yourself to be controlled by stressing about something you don't need to. I suggest you calm down as while you don't like each other and he wants to play games, he is also their parent and hasn't shown himself to be incompetent and harmful to your (plural) children.

Telling him about the kids planned events and other information should be done in a written form preferably email. If you don't have an email address - and use his work email if he hasn't given you a personal one - then send him letters and ideally get proof of posting. This actually protects you from him stating you didn't give him the information or lying about when you told him.

As he has them for very little time at the moment the kids don't have to talk to you while they in his care, and likewise they don't need to talk to him when you have them as they see him regularly. So leave it like that for now as you have them the majority of the time. When the 8 year old is 11 or if your ex has them for more nights then make sure your eldest has their own phone.

This means the only reason to have a contact number for him is if there is an emergency e.g. one of the kids is in hospital and you wish to inform their father. As he has your number and your cousin has his then you can both leave each other messages.

Oh and your children are only confused because you are making a big deal out if it. Don't and they will think nothing of it.

Thank you so much for your help

Thank you, all the help and advice is so much appreciated