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Adultery as grounds for divorce 2 years after separating?

14 replies

meeadfelloff · 13/10/2018 23:26

I wonder if anyone can give me some advice.

I split with my wife 2 years ago after 7 years of marriage in which she frequently hit me and slept with other people behind my back, including her teenage daughters friends.

I'm now in a new relationship and am happy for the first time since I met my ex wife.

But she's intent on destroying this for me. She messages my girlfriend telling her all sorts of lies about me. Fortunately girlfriend just ignores her, but it's upsetting for me.

I want to start divorce proceedings now and wonder if I can cite her infidelity? Or is it too late? I'm so tired of being accused of being a bad father, a drug addict, an alcoholic etc. I want what she did out there in the public domain.

OP posts:
shallichangemyname · 13/10/2018 23:31

You can rely on adultery as long as you did not live together as H&W for 6 months or more after you found out. After 6 months you are deemed to have accepted it.

You don't have to name the other person but you need enough detail to say when and where the adultery took place (eg between x and y dates at various locations")

If ex denies it you have to be able to prove it. Can you?

The other option is a Petition based on 2 years' separation with her consent.

The latter is far cleaner.

I would recommend taking the moral high ground and not standing on principle to divorce her on her adultery but going for the 2 years' separation.

The latter is obviously

vilamoura2003 · 13/10/2018 23:31

If I was you I would divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour citing her adultery as an example of her unreasonable behaviour.

You could divorce on the grounds of 2 year separation but it requires her to consent to this and it sounds as though she is unlikely to give it.

She could try to defend an adultery petition and it is actually quite difficult to prove.

You could always give a family lawyer a call - a lot of them offer free half an hour consultations over the phone 👍

Singlenotsingle · 13/10/2018 23:32

It's not too late if that's what you want to do, but so much easier to do it on a 2 year separation. And it wouldn't be in the public domain. No one else gets to see it (apart from the judge and legal teams). It would be more expensive too, especially if she defended it.

vilamoura2003 · 13/10/2018 23:33

@shallichangemyname it sounds like she is still trying to cause trouble so I would think unlikely to consent 😊to a 2 year separation petition and file the acknowledgement of service 🤔

elephantoverthehill · 13/10/2018 23:33

Save some money and just go for the easiest option. I want what she did out there in the public domain It will never be out there. Just file for infidelity.

meeadfelloff · 13/10/2018 23:55

I have proof that she cheated. One example is a message near the end of the marriage saying that she has chlamydia and I need to get checked. I did and was clear.
Plus screenshots of conversations with other men talking about the sex they'd had, and 'our' teenage daughter's admission to me via text that her mum had just had sex with her friend.

By 'public domain' I suppose I mean that I want her new partner to find out who she is. I would have liked us to stay amicable, but she's pushed me too far now. She's playing the innocent whiter than white victim, and I want him to know what she did to me.

OP posts:
Mary1935 · 14/10/2018 08:29

Hi Mead how does she have your new partners contact details.You need to block her and have very minimal contact with her via email if it’s about your daughter. Discuss nothing with your daughter.
Your poor daughter how is she handling all this. It’s very unhealthy. She may not agree to the divorce but you can forge ahead even if she doesn’t sign I think. You need proof she received them.
Is your ex narcissistic?

FishesThatFly · 14/10/2018 08:36

She's playing the innocent whiter than white victim, and I want him to know what she did to me.

Personally l don't see the point. This bitterness will distroy you.

My ex left me for OW after 20yrs together. I divorced him for unreasonable behaviour and cited his inappropriate relationship with OW.

Your GF needs to block communication with her.

Divorce her for inappropriate relationships and for slander.

Everytimeref · 14/10/2018 08:40

The evidence you have won't be acceptable to prove adultery so if she won't accept the divorce on the grounds of adultery your petition would fail.

shallichangemyname · 14/10/2018 08:45

Actually if she has a new partner then she's still committing adultery even though you've been separated a long time.

You have to prove the adultery, but the burden of proof is "on the balance of probabilities". Ie more likely than not. I think the evidence you have is enough. But it will not be in the public domain and her partner won't know. Don't be motivated by that. Even if he finds out, she will have told him her "side" and he will believe her.

The other option is unreasonable behaviour. Again, use only examples you can prove. Eg the chlamydia.

PurpleWithRed · 14/10/2018 08:52

The public won't know or care. Don't join in her name calling, it brings you down to her level. Just divorce her on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour if she won't do it under the 2-year separation and move on with your life.

BlueBug45 · 14/10/2018 23:15

Your aim is to get divorced from her so your best option is 2 years separation with her agreement. Everything else apart from 5 years separation she can contest in England and Wales. If she won't agree - ask her before putting in the divorce petition pointing out you both have new partners and you are sure she wants to move on with her life - then you have to hope she agrees to unreasonable behaviour. This is less likely particularly if you state you caught an STI from her.

Also if you get her agreement for 2 years separation if you have any financial assets to split or any children to arrange things for, then she should be less hostile.

MissedTheBoatAgain · 15/10/2018 01:51

Use unreasonable behaviour as grounds for Divorce. Unless someone puts their hand up Adultery is difficult.

Ss770640 · 03/11/2018 19:48

Courts don't really care about the reason.

Only the children.

I'm in the same boat btw. And I'm doing the 1 year unreasonable route. But I'll make sure the papers reflect the reason for divorce.

You can state the cheating but just not request a divorce on those grounds.

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