Can you explain divorce to me?

[lunalove]

My husband has said he will let me know by Sunday if he wants to split. I have absolutely no idea what I will do or what happens after. I’m a sahm to a five year old and my husband owns his own business.
Would one of us move out? Would we apply for divorce straight away? We’ve been married six years. Any help would be good. Thanks.

I’m sorry that you’re in this position

I would suspect OW ?

For you I would suggest you book an appointment with a solicitor for a 30 minutes free session, get some proper legal advice

Do you rent or own?

I would advise you staying put atm

Keep your cards close to your chest

Check out entitledto online to see which benefits you are entitled - maintenance is disregarded in most cases if claiming benefit

Seek work, you’ll be better off in work

Mediation and child maintenance calculations are usually about 15% of net income

Hopefully others will be along with more advice, sorry mines a bit cold and calculated

We own the house yeah. I think it’s in his name though.
I don’t think there’s OW. I’ve had a bad couple of years with horrendous mental health issues and he says he’s had enough.

Regardless of who’s name is in the deeds it’s the family home, ring round solicitors and find a couple to visit which will give you a free consultation and book appointments

Ask questions about the process- write a list to take with you

Visits depend for benefits
Visit district council for single occupancy for council tax as soon as he moves out

Please don’t leave your home, if he wants to leave then have a good clear idea of your rights and position from clear advice from a solicitor

Sorry you're in this situation, op.
There's a government funded website wikivorce.com that
has a forum and some knowledgable advice you might want to check out.

You can instigate divorce too, you don't have to wait for your H if it's
what you want.

A regular mn who is a solicitor has said previously that a study/survey has shown that the free advice from solicitors isn't all that.

In the meantime get copies of all your paperwork - bank accounts, proof of earning etc and keep somewhere safe.

Am just working out how to divorce my husband. Thus far I have found out:

• either party can start a divorce. Either you wait and then divorce on the grounds of having been separated 2 years. OR the 6 month options mean one of you divorces the other on the grounds of adultery or unreasonable behaviour. The financial settlement / division of kid contact will be unaffected by who divorces whom and on what grounds.

There there are 2 big decisions: 1)How to split contact with the kids 2) How to split the finances

You can sort it out yourselves, come to an agreement and get the court to ratify OR take mediation OR fight about it all in court with solicitors. The costs increase the more legal intervention you get.

The financial split would firstly consider the needs of the children. The parent keeping the kids can often stay in the home until they are 18 and only then needs to split the equity in the home with their ex. It matters not a jot who "owns" the house. All assets in the marriage are considered joint and up for splitting. The second big one is pensions. I haven't quite got my head around this yet but you are both entitled to an equal share of whatever pensions the 2 of you have between you.

So get copies of pension statements, bank statements, anything about savings (even if they are in his name - it is all up to be split up), mortgage, shares, etc.... At some point you'll need to agree a division and it will be SO much easier if you know what is actually there to be divided and you aren't relying on him to disclose!

Good luck!

He says he wants 50-50 custody. And I can’t afford to stay in the house by myself.

Post divorce device here. Do not agree to sell the house or move out. See a solicitor immediately.

Often 50/50 split with children is quite a shock, the reality is very different from the fantasy

You say he runs his own company? Does that mean he can drop off and pick up from school - excellent and he can take days off when the dc are sick at short notice - excellent, he can also have the children 3 weeks in the summer and half all the holidays - again excellent

This will be really helpful as you can work and not have to worrying about having to pay for holiday care, Miss work when dc is sick etc and lose money

You may be entitled to spousal maintenance. You need legal advice. Find yourself a Rottweiler of a lawyer and get him/her to help you make a plan. Tell your parents or friends- get someone to hold your hand. Remember just because he thinks he wants something doesn’t mean he’ll get it. Do not move out of the house!

OP

Try to establish as much financial information as you can. Mainly about the value and equity in the house but also about savings and the business. This may have disappeared already.

The marriage is short but you have a young child who is in primary school. In theory, you can work PT and this may be something you expected to do under the settlement. Get legal advice before you consider working now.

Clean breaks are the norm and spousal maintenance is getting rare. Your settlement may be a higher % of the equity and assets with limited maintenance. There are advantages to this and his self-employment will be a complicating factor. No situation is the same and don't base your expectations on advice on here or any other part of the internet. Get good legal advice; a good solicitor who is recommended. Even if you have to pay. Ask around locally.

The costs increase the more legal intervention you get

OP take note. Settle amicably if you can. If courts become involved costs can spiral out of Control rapidly. My divorce cost 35K. Money I would have rather seen go to Ex and Child, but Ex made it a contest and the only winners were Legal.