Finding it all so very very hard right now 😥

[mumof3boy]

After separating April 2017 and still living under the same roof with our three kids we might be getting closer to the end but it’s killing me inside 😰

We’ve got FDR on 16th November but he’s written to the court asking for it to be changed because he’s got a weekend away booked. They told us both in August to advise of any dates we were unavailable and he didn’t advise of this...

I called them this week and they’re working a backlog so it will be a good two weeks before we hear from the judge. His letter doesn’t give a reason for his request to the date change...I’m praying it goes ahead.

Although he’s suggesting he won’t be able to attend and I don’t know if they will want us both there in person??

We have a house £325k mortgage free. His pension is £255k CEV, He’s the applicant in the case and all the way through this I’ve sat tight hoping that the boys and I will be able to stay in the family home. Should I be looking at alternatives to present to him?? I’m self representing in court. I’ve had a couple of free sessions with a solicitor, wondering if I should get another to see what their take on it is...

I’m just so tired of it now and want it all over. Is the FDR likely to see us presented with a decision in his absence? Negotiations won’t be able to take place if he isn’t present at the hearing and he’s now ditched his solicitor and is also self representing..

Any help for a woman at her wits end would be much appreciated xxxxx

I wouldn’t do anything without a decent solicitor who you feel safe with I’m afraid.

What’s your situation WRT your own job/pension?

I work 2 part time jobs and only have a small pension from my job that I accrued before I left to raise the children. They’re still only 5, 8 & 9 so I’m very limited till they’re a bit older.

I’ve not taken a solicitor till now cos the cost is terrifying and I don’t want to have tonnes of debt at the end of this. Many I know have self represented and I was hoping to the do the same right till the end x

Have you worked out how you will share the house/pension?

Have you applied for tax credits? entitledto.com is helpful.

Do you receive child benefit?

Has he made an offer? What will be the childcare arrangements?

I don't think a weekend away will be an acceptable reason for cancelling.

He refuses to talk and negotiate he wants 50/50 parenting which frankly I can’t see will ever work, in the past he’s spoken about reducing hours at work or getting his sister to collect the boys from school to enable 50/50..

He hasn’t made an offer..

And yes I receive child benefit and child tax credits are claimed as single person which is a great help.

At the moment I’m ready to make an offer to him myself that we sell up and he gives me £200k and I’ll leave him alone. It would mean a two bedroom flat for me and the boys but I’d be able to buy it and it would be ours and all this stress would go away. I’d sever the financial tie with him which is always going to be present if I end up winning the court case and getting the house cos he will end up so bitter about it...

A two bedroom flat for you and three children?

I know. My friend has just said the same to me. It’s just 18 months of being worn down by the whole situation. I don’t know how much longer I can go on long this xx

You need to see a solicitor ASAP.

If he has been the main earner, been paying into the pension and you have been doing the majority of childcare enabling him to do you may well be selling yourself short.

Your children need to be provided for.
You will never be rid of him as you have children.
He needs to be paying maintenance.
You have contributed and enabled his career and there is value in that.

Paying a solicitor now will protect your children.

They all bullshit about the 50/50 parenting.
Has he told you you aren’t entitled to anything because you haven’t contributed as much financially yet?
The reason it is dragging on for so long is because you aren’t getting advice.
I did mediation/solicitor/court order/divorce: start to finish in one year.
Still in family home til youngest is 21. 70:30 split to me upon selling. Part of his pension. Monthly maintenance. This is standard.

I have a friend doing it herself, she’s in a terrible mess. A solicitor is an investment and will save you money, time and tears. It also means you don’t have to deal with him directly.

Sorry to be so blunt about it. I do know how hard it is.

You might find it cheaper to go directly to a barrister working under the public access scheme. You don’t have to go through a Solicitor to use one anymore.

Do not make that offer. Suggest you keep house, he keeps pension. You need to buck up a bit here, I know it's hard but you're your kids only advocate and they deserve the best deal you can wrangle. 3 teen boys in a 2 bedroom flat is not that. That's where you'll still be in 5 years. Honestly don't represent yourself. Get someone in to fight for you.

I wonder if his delay tactics are precisely to grind you down even further. Get advice if possible.