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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Friend seems trapped - any advice?

4 replies

minimuffin · 04/10/2018 16:04

Asking for a friend (really!), because what’s happening seems so unfair but I don’t know much about finance on divorce. In a nutshell, she ended the marriage with her DH in March. They own a house jointly, 2 children. She had been a SAHM until the youngest started school, now has a part time job in a shop earning v little. It’s acrimonious, he claims she’s acting on a whim etc etc and is very aggrieved. He earns a decent amount, they are comfortably off, but he sees it very much as his money. They agreed over the summer to put the house on the market and part company, got offered the asking price, then he changed his mind and said he wanted to keep the house and buy her out. She is borrowing money from her dad to help her buy a new smaller place so she can move out with the kids.

So:

For her mortgage application, her only income is her part time one and she’s not sure she’s going to get a mortgage on that basis, even with her dad lending her what he can. Yet once the divorce is settled, she’ll get maintenance from her DH. But she wants out now - he is being really nasty, she is sleeping on the sofa etc, she’s a wreck, and she has found a house. Can lenders take future maintenance into account before a court order has been made?

The legal fees she has incurred so far because of all this exceed her annual income, because he has been so obstructive (changing his mind about selling, dragging his feet at every turn). Will a court order cover her fees so that she can take them from the matrimonial pot? Otherwise her debt is just going to increase and it seems incredibly unfair.

If anyone has been through something similar I’d appreciate any advice - she is at rock bottom and I think she’d accept any way out, even if it cost her, just to get away from him. From where I’m standing it seems really unjust, but she’s worried about incurring more legal fees by asking her solicitor what to do. TIA

OP posts:
numbbrain · 04/10/2018 17:17

I looked in to this for myself. My mortgage company said they would only take maintenance into account if it was a court order and covered the length of the mortgage.

Why can't he leave. She will likely be awarded the house with the children. Could she afford it?

minimuffin · 05/10/2018 10:28

Thanks for the reply, I thought that might be the case. He won’t move out, doesn’t see why he should, feels that he is aggrieved party because she decided to call time. He’s making things as difficult for her as possible. I’m not sure that she would be able to afford the mortgage on her own anyway (though presumably maintenance is designed to help with that?) and she wants a new home and a fresh start.

It seems crazy - so presumably when he’s doing his mortgage application to buy her out, he won’t have to disclose the fact that his outgoings will be far greater than they are at the moment, when he has to start paying her maintenance?!

Ideally she would stay in the house and he would move out whilst the divorce goes through but he won’t, and she can’t stay - he is being really horrible to her and it seems that he is enjoying dragging it out and making it as difficult as possible for her, so it could be months if not years before it gets finalised. That’s just not tenable for her or their children who are caught in the crossfire at the moment.

OP posts:
SillySallySingsSongs · 05/10/2018 10:32

Why can't he leave. She will likely be awarded the house with the children. Could she afford it?

He has every right to stay until finances are settled and if he has seen a solicitor they will be advising him this.

It is not a given that OP would 'awarded' the house at all, especially if she can't afford it.

Ss770640 · 03/11/2018 19:51

She should have thought about all this before leaving tbh.

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