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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Had divorce petition - so many lies

21 replies

ladytink · 25/09/2018 16:53

I’ve just received the divorce petition from my husband and there are so many lies. I’m actually really hurt at some of the things that he has written that are just not true.

OP posts:

HoleyCoMoley · 25/09/2018 16:56

Yep they do this, it is very hurtful and unnecessary, the end result is the same, you get a divorce so there's no need to lie and exaggerate. Are you contesting it or just happy to be rid of him, he doesn't sound very nice.

Original poster

ladytink · 25/09/2018 17:03

I wasn’t going to contest it because from what I can gather there is no point, I wasn’t going to just sign it and send it back with a note. But after reading what I’ve read I’m going to get some legal advice. I’m booked in to see a solicitor nest week x

OP posts:

Original poster

ladytink · 25/09/2018 17:04

I was going to send it back that should read x

OP posts:

HoleyCoMoley · 25/09/2018 18:50

See if you can get the lies retracted.

wakeupsmelltheroses · 25/09/2018 20:39

I refused to sign and agree my decree nisi for that reason also -all lies,

EH paid £100 for the judge to review and because I had accepted service it went threw regardless,

Really unfair ......

Original poster

ladytink · 25/09/2018 20:54

I’ve just highlighted the untrue things and it’s most of the petition 😔

OP posts:

EggysMom · 25/09/2018 21:01

It's irrelevant. The unreasonable behaviour that is cited in a divorce petition, has no bearing on any subsequent legal discussions around finances and children. Whilst they are difficult to read, and may well be lies, this does not matter - they are a means to an end for the divorce petition. Only you, your ex and court staff will read them. If you want to be divorced, sign the paperwork.

wakeupsmelltheroses · 25/09/2018 21:07

I agree eggysmum but it’s the principal.

It’s very , very hard to hear the lies written down . It’s just a means to an end I was told .
But grrrr!

Original poster

ladytink · 25/09/2018 21:22

Its unfair. He’s divorcing me due to a trigger situation that was both our faults. He basically filed for divorce 12 days after this incident with no conversation, no explanation, nothing. I don’t want to divorce, I want to try to sort it out, put things right. And now I have to read a whole lot of bullshit about me as a person and things I haven’t done. So unfair because I just have to go along with it x

OP posts:

MissedTheBoatAgain · 26/09/2018 04:59

*and because I had accepted service it went threw regardless,

Really unfair ......*

Once you accept the service it's deemed as acceptance that what was on the Divorce Petition was correct. Possible to contest a Divorce, but very rare, enormously expensive and generally advised against.

My Ex denied what was I listed on my Unreasonable Behaviour even though I had Police records to support everything I had listed! Basically wanted to shift blame for failed marriage in my direction on assumption that if I was at fault she would get a larger share of assets. Each of the four different Solicitors she used advised that reason for divorce seldom influences settlement unless it involves Domestic Violence or one has ran up huge debts.

She ignored them all and based her entire case on being the Victim and was entitled to sympathy. Courts chased her away several times.

Namethecat · 26/09/2018 05:29

My divorce was ages ago ( think years ) and like yours full of lies. Apparently I was a violent person and he would just hold me down to calm me. I would also have men in the house to have sex with ! ( baring in mind I lived in the same street as both our relatives and opposite his best friend ) plus two young children at the time !

AnnieAnoniMouse · 26/09/2018 05:32

How on earth can ‘accepting service’ mean you agree with what’s in it, when you can't see what’s in it beforehand?!

I’d refuse to sign on principle. If he takes it through the courts or whatever and it still goes through, fine, but there’s no way in hell I’d sign it.

I’m sorry that you don’t want the divorce and would prefer to work it out, but maybe his nastiness will help you see it might be for the best?

MissedTheBoatAgain · 26/09/2018 06:31

I’d refuse to sign on principle. If he takes it through the courts or whatever and it still goes through, fine, but there’s no way in hell I’d sign it

In that case you and partner would have to live apart and wait 2 years and then divorce on consent. If one of you does not agree then you would have to wait another 3 years to make 5 in total. Then neither of you can object to the divorce.

5 years gives the Partner who wanted the Divorce lots of time to shift assets off the Radar.

Alternatively you could file your own petition. So you are both are divorcing each other. However, you will have to pay the Court Fee twice as there are two applications.

Bottom line is that if one wants out there is little point trying to prevent it.

YeTalkShiteHen · 26/09/2018 06:34

I wouldn’t want those lies documented as fact either OP, I think legal advice is the right thing to do.

MissedTheBoatAgain · 26/09/2018 06:44

Unreasonable behaviour is the most common ground for Divorce apparently. Does not have to be a particularly long list and does not need to be too critical of other partner.

Courts accepted my petition without question as I had police records that proved Ex was trying to get her daughter (my stepdaughter) out of house, records from social services that son aged 7 child was being left alone in house. Icing on cake was the texts ex had sent to her daughter suggesting that I was more than Stepfather. Even the Police were aghast at that one when they were called to house (for third time) to get daughter out of house. Ex was issued with formal warning about wasting Police time.

Even if what is listed on petition is not accurate if one Party wants out the courts are unlikely to object. After all what is point of forcing someone to stay in an unhappy relationship?

EggysMom · 26/09/2018 07:15

It'll cost you to defend it. As a minimum it'll be court fees, start involving a solicitor and the costs ramp up. If the OP can afford that, then good luck to her. In the end, she'll have a divorce and the moral high ground but will have spent a fair penny to have that high ground. All well and good if you have the money.

Original poster

ladytink · 26/09/2018 07:48

I’ve just been reading that what is on the petition should have happened six months prior to the separation. Is this true as he is raking stuff up from 2015!

OP posts:

AnnieAnoniMouse · 26/09/2018 08:08

In that case you and partner would have to live apart and wait 2 years and then divorce on consent

No skin off the OP’s nose, she’s not the one wanting the divorce.

She doesn’t have to spend any money, she doesn’t have to ‘defend’ not signing it.

He wants the divorce, he can send her new papers with the truth OR wait. His choice.

Original poster

ladytink · 26/09/2018 08:46

‘In that case you and partner would have to live apart and wait 2 years and then divorce on consent’

So if this were the case, would I need to
Inform him that I’m not signing? Would he be able to assign court bailiffs still or go down the deemed service route?

OP posts:

user1492863869 · 26/09/2018 11:13

Ladytink, it would be a good idea to discuss the petition with a solicitor. However maybe you need to get some counselling to help you to come to terms with his decision to divorce.

From your previous posts you are very determined not to divorce and had already tried relationship counselling to help save the marriage. The upshot is that it didn’t work for him. He is an adult and he can make the decision to end the marriage. Even if he is wrong, you should respect his decision that he wants to end the marriage and the relationship. Unfortunately this is one of life’s unilateral decisions even in a marriage.

Do you think fighting the petition will make him any less determined to be divorced or that he will view you as less unreasonable? I expect it will have the opposite effect. It will reinforce his opinions and belief that the marriage should end. That’s how I would react in his position and it would convince me that I was doing the right thing.

Current divorce laws mean that fault must be established or you face a long wait and period of separation. He needed to establish grounds if you were unwilling to do this. He could just have cited a list of random examples or used real life examples. I don’t know if that is the case. He could have made up a load of rubbish to satisfy the process or to highlight his view of you.

If your desire is to save your marriage, behaving unreasonably and refusing to respect his decisions, is not going to help and will make matters and life worse. You and your children will remain in a limbo without proper financial support and with a growing acrimony between you and your now ex.

Do not use outdated divorce processes to save your marriage. It will cost you money and add to your pain.

MissedTheBoatAgain · 27/09/2018 10:04

To OP

If your ex wants out why do you wish to remain in the relationship? If you force him to wait 5 years that is long enough to move assets off the Radar.

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