I am a first time poster on this site. Writing from the U.S.A. I have been married 15 years with 2 children, 14 & 11. I am 35 and my H is 42. I married young, fast and fell hard. Hard enough to endure many good times as well as bad times. It wasn’t until recently, after much reading, that I learned I am married to a narcissist. I have dealt with verbal abuse (at times light physical abuse... shoving, grabbing- seldom) for the entire course of my marriage.
For many, many years I would find myself confused with my husbands behavior. I also blamed myself for causing his anger and have had a difficult time realizing I’m not entirely to blame. At times I have thought he suffers from a mental disorder as he goes NUTS in anger and within 25-30 minutes he is back to normal, loving, apoglozing and anxiously wanting to reconcile.
I’m left mentally exhausted, empty, confused and sad. My kids also feel the brunt of his outburst and often times it’s like he’s battling all of us at different times or sometimes even at the same time. He got so upset at our daughter one time for talking back at a restaurant that he kicked her so hard under the table causing her entire finger nail to rip off of the nail bed. This was last year.
Time and time and TIME again I have spoken to him about his disrespect, abuse and willingness to forget his actions so quickly. This has been going on for years. Progressively getting worse. Then I threaten to leave him and it gets better for 3-4 months... then another argument. Repeat for years. I can (regretfully) say that maybe one or two weeks have gone by since our last argument dating back to March of this year. It’s THAT consistent. He seems completely okay with this living situation. I am an empty shell.
The control, verbal abuse and having to walk on egg shells has all of us in the home in a constant state of panic. We all (the children and I) try our best to keep the peace however we haven’t found much of it yet.
This summer, I decided to hire an attorney. After much paper work, delay and financial issues- it is confirmed he will be served by Tuesday or Wednesday of next week. I am PETRIFIED. But I have to move forward for my sanity and my children.
I feel so stupid for feeling guilty. For feeling sorry for him. I feel sorry for him because it’s almost like he’s STUPID. How can he treat people he loves, who are “his world” this way and expect for us to forgive him for repeated mistakes? Just confused i guess.
I feel stupid For second guessing myself. If anyone here has any words of advice or support I would gladly appreciate it and reference those words during this very difficult time.
Thank you for reading.
He’ll be served in a matter of days
Sadinmiami · 19/09/2018 20:46
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