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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Can you claim back underpaid child maintenance from the last 15 years?

35 replies

Fairylea · 14/09/2018 12:56

I just want to know what the rules are. I’m not sure if this is actually a road I want to go down.

I don’t want to be too outing. Basically dd is now 16, we split up when she was 1 (I left him as he was a terrible partner and dad basically)... her dad has always had a lot of money from his own company but it was the sort of company where he got paid in cash (Hmm) and I think he wasn’t completely honest about it all. Anyway he sold the company and moved to the USA.

He got married a few years ago to someone who is extremely high earning (think head management of household USA brand). They have two children together and live in a house worth nearly $2m they’ve purchased. I am absolutely certain of the details of this.

He doesn’t work. He is now house husband.

Throughout all this and ever since we split up he pays me £200. We have never gone through court or child maintenance people. It’s a private agreement.

It has come to light that his new children are enjoying a much higher standard of living than my dd ever has and now she is looking forward to going to university etc I feel I have been utterly stupid in not pushing for more money from him. (We aren’t talking just a bit more money, we are talking holidays to Disneyland, Mexico etc etc, private education etc).

(Not that it should matter but by comparison we are very low income, I’ve remarried, dh works full time, low wage, we have a disabled child and we are so poor we lived without lights upstairs for 3 years as the damp in our home was so awful we couldn’t affford to fix it).

So what I’m wondering is should I just leave things and accept that I’m lucky to get the £200 a month?

Or would you try to argue that’s not right somehow...

He would probably say he doesn’t work and has no money of his own. He would also probably say since he has dd for a couple of weeks every summer that this costs a lot of money... (She just literally stays with him in the house, they don’t do anything, because of this she is now saying she doesn’t want to go next year, fair enough).

What would the authorities make of this?

Is there a time limit for backdated claims?

I am just curious about it all. We were never married.

Any advice appreciated.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fairylea · 14/09/2018 12:58

I want to be clear any backdated money would be going straight to dd and her university education.

OP posts:
Flower64 · 14/09/2018 13:17

Child Maintenance Service take a claim from the date you make it - they told me when I claimed recently the effective date would be the following Monday, no backdating and they don't take his partners income into account.

BrashCandicoot · 14/09/2018 13:22

As he doesn't work, there's not a lot you can do unfortunately - courts only take the biological parent's income into account and anything their new spouse pays towards your child is purely voluntary.

Original poster
Fairylea · 14/09/2018 14:13

I wondered as much...!

Thank you for your replies.

OP posts:
greenberet · 21/09/2018 09:09

If I were you I would probably put a claim into CMS - this is the only way you would be able to pursue a backdated claim if his circumstances were to change. You have two years until Dd is 18 and he is responsible for these two years.

The laws change all the time and there are so many people currently struggling due to unpaid maintenance - as you have been!

The money is not for you it’s for your Dd and there is a lifestyle element you can pursue if it is apparent his income and lifestyle do not add up as is quite clear

It’s a fight though but the more who fight the more chance there is of a possible change to the system!

MarieG10 · 21/09/2018 15:05

Do t waste your time...he isn't working and it will cause you god knows how much angst and money you don't have

NailsNeedDoing · 04/11/2018 18:00

£200 a month for one child is a good amount of maintenance to get, especially considering he doesn't have a job. As he's unemployed, CMS would probably award you less.

Bigbum53 · 04/11/2018 18:06

Wow £200 for 1 child that’s double what I get and my x works 50 hours as a self employed taxi driver just doesn’t declare earnings!! Just accept it

Watson1987 · 10/11/2018 04:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Graphista · 10/11/2018 06:13

Op unfortunately cms don't backdate.

However as he is apparently living in USA? He may be subject to different laws you may be able to pursue but I've no idea how you'd find this out or get representation I'm afraid.

To the dad hijacking - for starters it's bloody rude to hijack someone else's thread. For another imo you're taking the piss! The amount cms set is a MINIMUM. Ie it's the very least you should be paying. That you are doing all you can to reduce even that is despicable. And while strictly speaking it's within the rules to get a reduction due to having a step child you are living with personally (and I'm far from the only person thinks this) I think it shouldn't be allowed. That child is the responsibility of its own parents not you. Is your current partner receiving cm for the child? In addition your child with your ex doesn't suddenly need less food, clothes, shelter, heat, water, school supplies, books etc etc etc just because you have chosen to be with someone who has a child. Be a decent father and pay as much as you can for YOUR child and don't be a dick like all the other deadbeats exploiting all the bloody loopholes!

anniehm · 10/11/2018 07:14

Can you ask him to help pay for university? It will seem reasonable to his wife as middle class parents do pay for their kids college fees routinely if they have the money. Her income isn't relevant as far as a court is concerned so a private arrangement is your only hope (and your situation with your new dh and child isn't relevant either).

I would contact him and say that you want to discuss what will happen once she finishes school at 18 and arrangements for university funding - see what he offers at first(typically they need around £55k in total, min London if they live away). He may already consider that an obligation. Does she have contact - how about suggesting an extended trip next summer as she's capable of flying alone, good experience for her.

SD1978 · 10/11/2018 07:20

You'll get nothing in a new agreement. He doesn't work and his wife's i come is inconsequential. You can't have it backdated, you have chose to accept it up till now. Unfortunately there would be no pay out for uni fees.

5fivestar · 16/11/2018 12:50

Unless you can prove you were wrongly advised all those years ago by the child maintenance service then you can make a claim against them

flamingofridays · 16/11/2018 12:55

nothing you can do, CMS will only start from the date you claim, and her income has nothing to do with your child.

NorthernSpirit · 16/11/2018 14:16

How do you know all this? Are you stalking him in SM?

You can’t have all the facts.

Firstly - his wife’s money is hers. Why should she pay for your child?

You have a private agreement, get £2,400 a year. But you’ve got a sniff his wife is a high earner and want her money? She has no obligation to you.

You can file a claim with the CMS but it won’t be backdated. Or you can ask him?

You need to find out what the rules are for a parent living overseas.

5fivestar · 16/11/2018 14:37

I love the wife’s money is hers .... thought it was family money ? unless she’s a stay at home Mum then his money is hers too and it also shouldn’t be going in child support .... if only those pesky first marriage children would just disappear eh

flamingofridays · 16/11/2018 15:00

the wifes money is hers. someone elses child does not become her responsibility because her husband chooses not to work.

5fivestar · 16/11/2018 15:19

And yet in every scenario except child support that wouldn’t be the case would it upon marriage 🙄

AdalindShade · 16/11/2018 16:08

And yet in every scenario except child support that wouldn’t be the case would it upon marriage

AND step children taken on by the NRP can be counted, so the rules are inconsistently weighted towards the new family.

flamingofridays · 16/11/2018 16:22

im sorry but why should anyone support someone elses children?

its nothing to do with "new families" getting the better deal (which is frankly a load of old shite anyway)

flamingofridays · 16/11/2018 16:24

for instance, when dss lived with his mum, why should my income (and keep in mind according to MN I am only his dads girlfriend not his step parent) be paid to his mother?

he isn't my child.
his welfare is not my responsibility
his mother isn't my problem because I didn't have a child with her

as it happens he lives with us and all our money does go into one pot so technically the "family" money does support him. If his mum gets a partner whos a multi millionaire, should we get any more? no because it wouldn't be his child to pay for.

flamingofridays · 16/11/2018 16:25

its a completely different scenario when children are living with you, to when you are paying child support.

5fivestar · 16/11/2018 16:37

And this is exactly why I will never be with somebody who has children nor move anyone in whilst my children are under 18. They get utterly shafted.

When you marry someone you take on their children and you do ensure they have a comfortable life of the same standard as if they were living with you and their parent. I couldn’t sleep at night if I was off on jollies whilst a child’s mother or fathers income was being spent on me/my life style at their expense.

flamingofridays · 16/11/2018 16:46

no five when you marry someone with kids, they maintain their child's previous lifestyle along with the other parent.

if I have worked my arse off, and earn a lot of money, I am not obliged to buy someone elses ex wife and children a nicer house, or a better lifestyle.

don't get me wrong I probably would spend a lot of money on the child, but at my own free will, and directly to them, not funding the ex wifes lifestyle as well.

5fivestar · 16/11/2018 16:51

Ah the old ex wife’s lifestyle 😂