I asked my husband to leave three months ago. I suspected he was seeing a woman at work (wouldn't be the first time but the first time was my fault apparently for giving our newborn all my attention).
There are numerous issues and he was abusive. Not physically but more emotionally. Everything was always my fault, I doubted myself for the past few years. We have three children the youngest being 2, and recently some of the things he did included taking pics of me asleep and naked, taking a pic of himself "excited" in the kids bedroom (although he said they weren't there) and a host of other things including drink driving and lying repeatedly about where he was. He became physically violent on the last day in the house. After 5 weeks of abuse from him and threats of taking the children, having me arrested for financial abuse the police took a statement and cautioned him. He wont pay CMS, hes just not answering the phone to them, he hasn't acknowledged our divorce petition and he has stopped paying CMS for his child with another lady (shes been in touch and has been very supportive as it seems she went through this too). I thought I could cope - despite the awful past couple of years I love my children, and I have a great job which I enjoy. He's claiming because I earn double what he does and hes ran up credit card debt (I've already cleared his card twice) that I have financially abused him because he is dependant on me. He took my car when he left, he used to get £300 a month from me into his account to "pay bills" on top of a £32k salary - and he contributed nothing to our home. I paid the deposit from the sale of a house I already owned and now he wants half the house, hes threatening me with welfare checks on the children as I am "emotionally abusing them" and he wants spousal maintenance even though the children are staying with me as the police, SS and schools feel he is a potential risk to them. I've held it all together until this week a letter from a hotel dropped through the front door addressed to his "friend" at work - it was like a smack in the face. Proof that they must have booked a room on his card. Hes talked about her for months, started working late, smartening up, refusing any kind of intimacy. Now hes claiming hes been depressed for years and is self harming - there isn't any evidence of the kind of self harm he is claiming and I do know some of the signs having experienced it with a family member.
I literally am working, looking after the kids and functioning day to day while I wait to see if I am going to be taken to court, prosecuted etc. I am worried I will have to sell the house but the only equity is the deposit plus a few £k as we only bought it 25 months back. Im worried I may have to send the kids to him even though he is allegedly staying in a shared house and my older daughter (shes 19 and not his) is saying he has touched her inappropriately (this was the day he left but she'd already confided in her partner and his mum). All the right agencies are involved, I've spoken with them all but my heads spinning and I just think how can this be fair? I gave him my heart, we had children but he just has turned into a monster.
Apologies for the long post, I don't even know what I am really asking for help with.