So, today I had a first solicitors appointment....

[indianwoman]

It was interesting! I'm mainly interested in what she thought a fair financial split might be and although she wouldn't commit herself, she gave some pointers that were very helpful.

Unfortunately, what she can't advise on is whether or not to make the jump! I want to separate just to see if that would make the difference between being able to fix things or starting the beginning of the end. After three separate courses of marriage guidance, I reckon it might be the latter, but I want to live in hope.

I don't love him anymore, I just feel very sad that after 13 years and two dc, still young, things have come to this. But it's been bad almost from the beginning, so I feel like I have given it a good go....

But telling him....how do I do that?!!

I have no helpful advice I’m afraid but I’m interested to see what others say. I’m in a very similar position...seeing solicitor for first appointment in a few weeks, not sure how to tell H I want to separate but things so miserable at home it won’t exactly come as a shock! Hope you manage to work out what you want to do!

Thanks for replying. What are your reasons for going to the solicitors? I wanted to see what she thought a fair settlement would be, financially speaking. She surprised me as she thought it would be a case for spousal maintenance when i thought it wouldnt be. Nice surprise!

That’s good that you got a pleasant outcome!
I want to go and find out where I stand in terms of splitting assets etc as well as what is likely to happen with care of the children - obviously my preferred option is to have them with me as much as possible!
Also I know my husband has been hiding money so I want to be well prepared so that when I tell him we are separating I can be clear on the process and what is going to happen next. Kind of hating this limbo situation where we are not really a functional couple but not technically separated either! X

I split with my exh in dec 17 he left i kept 2 dc i was buying him out the property and keeping kids living with me, then we decided to try again and it didnt work dh has now said he will buy me out and he wants 2 weeks at a time with kids?he works shifts ive been taking dc to school for 6 years.any help appreciated

Hi Freedom you would be better posting a new thread for your self and I will comment on the new one for you.

Hi Indian interested to read your thread as I am in the same position!

I have had one meeting and a couple of phone calls. Solicitor sent me some draft documents which made me feel ill seeing it printed out.

We haven’t been happy for a long time really and i know I don’t want to be with him in the long run any more but I too feel like I need help in making the jump.

We have had two bouts of counselling and I have talked about it with a couple of friends but I know it’s just my decision, it’s just hard to leap!

Bolly everyone’s circumstances are different but I was advised against the spousal maintenance and to go for a clean break possibly by adjusting the 50/50 in my favour.

To OP

I would say it is impossible for any experienced Family Solicitor or Barrister to say with certainty what the final settlement will be in advance of Court decision. People tend to tell solicitors and barristers their own version of events and forget that the other Party will have their own version.

If one or both are economical with the truth and try to hide assets and lie on Form E the process could drag on for a long time and Legal Costs will spiral.

But where would you go Indianwoman ?

I would sit him down and tell him how you feel first. See how he takes it.

I am hoping i wouldnt have to go any where and he would go! We did get to the position in januaury where we said we would split and he would leave, but then he didnt and as he was on his best behavior again things just carried on. I also didnt want the kids not to have a summer holiday so that got booked and i felt i could stay til after them. The holiday though impressed upon me there was no marriage left. We had nothing to say to each other. He never has anything to say to me unless it is shouting at me for something.

The other day he was shouting at me and my dd10 was crying on the settee while he carried on shouting and i was trying to tell him to stop.

I have read the book, Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay by Kirshenbaum, and it is really good. I would recommend it. It does recommend i would be happier if i left! Or rather, he left and me and dc stayed in the house! But at the moment things are calm and i feel bad splitting the family up when the kids, especially my ds are close to him. Even though they know he does a lot of things that are bad parenting.

To OP

Sounds as though you need to get Divorce started. Everyone needs somewhere to live. If you and Husband can't decide then you will have to go down the court route.