Help - wanting a separation or divorce

[LouiseEmily30]

Hi All,

Never posted on here but I guess im just looking to talk and see if anyone else has any experience in this and can offer me advice. I have no close friends and no one to really talk to.

I think i want to leave my dh. I have recently started to think there is more to life than we have together. I dont feel we have a connection anymore and i just dont feel the same way i used to about him.

I love him but im not in love if that makes sense.

He is a good man and a good dad to our 4 year old ds. Its just not there for me anymore.

I dont know how he feels but if i had to guess i think he still loves me.

I want to have an adult conversation about this but he never talks about problems and im worried about the effect on my son and if separating is my decistion will that go against me if they try and take custody of my ds .... I would want primary custody.

Help me ... how do i approach this .... how has this situation worked for others in this situation

I find myself wishing he would just leave me!

Thank you in advance and sorry for waffaling and my spelling.

Hi all - hoping someone out there will be able to point me in the right direction out of what's becoming a very difficult and complicated separation from my husband of 28yrs. My husband wants us to get a loan and put our large house into two separate flats. I agreed to have the upstairs and he downstairs, but I am having second thoughts because the house is in my husbands name only and if we convert our freehold house two into flats I understand that the property will become Leasehold may affect my rights to the property. I am concerned because my husband said that he will sell the property in 5 years time, but I think that we should sell it now. The last child moves out soon. My husband does not want to divorce and said that he will drag it out if I file for one. I am in my 50s and have spent a lot of money on therapy. I would happily live in the flat upstairs if I knew it would be in my best interests. I am also worried that my husband will change his will so that I won't be the main benefactor. It's such a worrying time. It's difficult to talk about these things with my husband, hence the long post.

Does anybody have experience of a similar situation? If so please advise.

Hi LouiseEmily30

My H left me after months of not loving me, said the connection had gone etc. I would say you need to explain to your H how you are feeling, be honest and upfront and perhaps go to counselling by yourself and together if you can afford it.

Just trying to give the otherside here, my H leaving has destroyed me and I'm putting myself back together. Counselling wasn't an option for him so it feels like he didn't even try.

Hope you find peace and what's best for you xx

Memoo6 I think you should start your own thread rather than hikacking someone else’s

LouiseEmily30 you seem to have jumped from not being happy to leaving and worrying about custody without any attempt at a conversation with your DH. My OH and I are not married and I went through a phase of thinking ‘is this it’? He annoyed me in every way and there were times I fantasised about punching him in the side of the head. However after 18 yrs I realise relationships are not always perfect and they go through dips and sometimes it’s easy to decide to leave however sometimes it’s worth trying. Your DH doesn’t sound like an abusive man and it may be that you do need to have a conversation with him as a starting point. Sounds like he would be upset and shocked if you tell him your not happy and are thinking of leaving ... talk!

Thank ledzepplin. We did sit down and talk a few days after my first post. I can't say it has helped. I explained how i was feeling and why. I am currently at the lowest point in my life, i feel pretty worthless to bw honest

That doesn’t sound good LouiseEmily30 I am sure your post on here isn’t fully outlining all the issues. Which is fair enough. Sometimes it’s not always to do with the DH or OH. They are not always responsibile for our happiness. So you need to really reflect as to why your really not happy. Maybe take some time out if you can? Go away with friends.... that’s my favourite thing to do when I need a blow out and time to think

Sorry you're unhappy. Based on your post I would say you might want to do two things, be sure that it's not issues within yourself leading yo your unhappiness rather than the relationship and also then consider what active positive steps you have taken (marriage counselling, reading books like I love you but I'm not in love with you together etc) before you quit.

Thank you everyone! Disney princess! I am so sorry you are going through that!

Counselling is not something we can affird. We have talked quite a bit over the last few weeks. I tried to explain how his lack of compassion towards me and how he wont talk about issues has driven me down. Im basically feeling not good enough.

I guess i am at an all time low right now. I just cry! I have said i want to try and fix it but how can i do that when i don't even want him to touch me

There are lots of books on relationships at many libraries if you can get to one - a relate counsellor posted on another thread. But you need him on board ultimately.

Best of luck whatever you decide.