Separated and still living together support thread

[BeyondAnOmnishambles]

I haven't seen one already and just had a bit of a rant about it in relationships, so maybe starting one is a good idea?

I didn’t see your other thread but this is my current situation. It’s confusing, stressful, anxiety ridden. I just want it to be over so we can both move on. I’m waiting on H to find somewhere to go. I’m trying to be adult, communicate etc He’s shut down, won’t try civil for the kids.

We're civil, but I almost wish we weren't. Tonight he is on a date and I'm alone with the kids, while he's also worked all week and I have important uni work to do that is not finished. I say "date" that probably gives it a bit too much credit - they have gone to a hotel.
Apparently she doesn't have anywhere convenient for them to fuck either

I’m in this situation. Separated (not my choice!), house to sell and no clue how long it will take to do so, we’re both taking turns to stay with friends / family each week. Being around him is so hard as I’m still in love with him so I end up acting undignified and it’s so hard to hold back from the ‘pick me’ dance. Can’t afford to rent or move anywhere else right now so in such an awkward situation. 3 weeks in...

We are lucky that it's rented, so no sell to have to wait for. Just as long as it takes for him to get a deposit and find somewhere. Nearly two months in, and he has just started work this week, so nowhere near a deposit yet...

Sorry nowhere near saving for a deposit but he's spending money on a hotel with his date? could you start saving for deposit for him so this limbo doesn't last longer or is that what he's waiting for?

We're living together separately since beg of March, it's awful for me & perhaps for him too, but good for dc up to this week when they witnessed him assaulting me.
They don't know we're separating do your dc? Do they know where he is tonight?

6 months in. It's was ok for a while, we got on but now it's awful.
He goes to his gf house whenever he feels like it, pays nothing towards the house (and less than CMS minimum for the dcs), insists on using my ensuite even when I'm sleeping.
I've asked him to leave, he said no. His solicitor recommended he leave, he said no. He's angry with me and using this as a way to torture and control me.

Are you not able to lock bedroom door because of dc bookvan? That's horrible of him

Yes mammy. Dcs are struggling with the separation and get into bed with me in the middle of the night.

Also in this situation. Waiting for ex to leave. My children are toddlers so don't really understand. But they know we sleep in different rooms etc. Again waiting for him to save for a deposit to rent. Also wants a big fancy place to him self.

Nearly a year in for me! I hope he leaves by the end of this year!

Poor dc book mine appear now & again too when they overhear a row but don't know about separation yet can imagine it'll be 3 in the bed for a while when they do

Hi,

It’s a long story so I apologise. Having been a stay at home dad for the early years I started a business whilst working night shifts at weekends so I could spend more time with my family.
Over a 4 year period the business is becoming quite successful.
All I did when the kids were little was work and look after them whilst my wife worked full time as she didn’t want to drop off the career ladder and that was and is understandable.
After setting up my business my wife complained that all I talked about was my work. Which to be fair is all she does when she gets home but I listen as it’s important to vent.
I sensed that she was paying no attention when I spoke after a while so I stopped talking.
She now complains that I don’t communicate any more, I’m not feeling comfortable in her company as she gets annoyed if I make a noise such as rumbling tummy or eat an apple when she isn’t eating - she gets angry and storms out of the room.
She does have temper issues often hormone related but very aggressive but they are starting to transfer to our eldest, if I witness the temper starting I ask her to leave the room and I deal with it.
When it comes to disciplining the children she threatens to withdraw un realistic things but I always think it’s important to back her up but when I discipline the children she contradicts and doesn’t back me up.
Things came to a head yesterday and I took her aside and said it needs dealing with we cannot carry on like this. She admits that she zoned out and doesn’t listen when I talk, yet complains I don’t communicate. I feel so lonely and unable to talk to anyone. It all seems so confusing and I have suggested that we end things and she suggests we should have a trial separation before proceeding. Last night I slept on the sofa not for the first time but she thought that was odd and I should be able to still share a bed with her.
Today I feel in a very dark place and they would find it less complicated if I was gone for good.
Where can I go from here or is this a lost cause?