New to all this and anxious

[VanillaBeans]

Hi,

Hoping to keep this brief and to the point, so here goes..

Have recently split up from my partner; it’s not that I don’t love him and think he is a good person but he has developed addiction issues to pain medication and it has taken over our lives. Financially and emotionally the burden has been enormous and I have 2 small children to consider as well.

We rent and claim housing benefit and I claim working and child tax credits. These are joint claims but I am the only one who works so all the earnings are from me. My wages and benefits get paid into his bank account because I don’t have one and have had one for a couple of years.

I’m just feeling really nervous about the whole financial side of things; I’m worried about how I will get by - even though I’m the sole earner I think my tax credit and housing benefit money is higher with a family than it will be if I am a single parent. I’m also worried because I had a call this afternoon from a lady from the council sounding confused because I had put my ex partners bank details down to make the payment to - I have no way of sorting my own bank account until I get photo ID which I need to get posted.

I’m worried because I live in temporary accommodation that they’ll think I’m changing my circumstances to get a council house. I have evidence of both his addiction and if ever needed I have many discussions and ultimatums over messages.

Ultimately what it comes down to is nervousness about stability once everything is officially separated. All I want to do is stand on my own two feet and it have the huge dark cloud of his addiction hanging over me and the kids. He doesn’t work so I am worried about him, but he has friends who can put him up and I do worry that current circumstances are just enabling him anyway.

I don’t really know what I’m asking.. just reassurance that we aren’t going to be completely underwater once I’m on my own. I have 2 small children that aren’t in school yet and I have so so much to sort out. I need to explain to work that I’m single. It’s going to be horrible.

I think removing the type of uncertainty and instability an addict brings into a home is a massive positive step. You’re now faced with a different type of uncertainty, but it is a less fundamental one.

You’ve said it yourself already- you’ve removed a huge dark cloud from over you.

You’ve removed the behaviour of an addict from your children’s home life, so they don’t model their future behaviour on that.

Thank you :) I need to the reassurance.

He is a lovely kind man but he has a lot of trauma and pain to deal with - if I can even just separate all practical things from him I think it would be much easier on me and the kids.

It’s very scary though, I’ve never been on my own and responsible for everything. I know I just need to take it one step at a time and will help him arrange counselling and addiction support. Despite the pain and upset I do see a brighter future for everyone involved