My name is Jen and I've been with my husband for 6 years, married for 3. we have two children, boys, ages one and four. We moved into a new apartment in March of 2018 after living with my parents for 5 years. I'll be honest i wasn't always a nice person to him. i talked alot of crap about when we would get into arguments to other people but after we moved out i haven't spoken a word of negativity about him. We have opposite schedules, he works as an officer on the overnight shift and i work during the day and i assume responsibility and general care of our children. we have alot of financial debt that we accumulated over the years.
About 4 weeks ago, he said he wanted to separate because he's come to the realization that our relationship and marriage isn't working anymore. i am heartbroken because i thought we were ok since we moved out and its just been me and him. He says he cares deeply about me that he doesn't want to divorce me because of the insurance will be too much for me to pay on my own. But if it wasn't for the insurance he would get the divorce right away so "another man" can love me like i deserve.
I have apologized for my past behavior and have told him how much i love him but he says he feels nothing but love for only his children. he cannot move out because of our financial situation and he is trying to payoff the debt quickly so he can get his own place fast. Everyday he says "i love you" to our boys and the dog but i do not get anything. He always makes comments about the matierials he would take with him once he leaves. i havent responded to any of his comments but i feel that he wants me to.
he opened up to me and said the hardest he had to do was to tell me he wanted to separate. i remained calm and said to take it one day at time even though it killed me beyond words. he said he was at peace with his decision of separation and is ready to move out. i am in love with him and i want him to be part of our children's lives.
we have had amazing sex since our separation but he does not kiss me or say anything that feels like he's changing his mind. he used to call me "hun," or "babe" but not anymore. he calls me by name and its like a stab everyday.
Recently he asked me if i was going to be emotional ok once he moves out. i lied and said "I'll be fine" which resulted in him asking me again, which i again repeated my answer. I've been switching my behavior with him trying to be more positive and i've noticed a change in him. we still sleep in the same bed most nights but i feel i need to let him feel the separation. i dont know what to do.
please help me save my marriage and family.