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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Please help - Friend has been told he has to give his wife the house, plus pay mortgage.

19 replies

Theresnodisneyending · 16/08/2018 10:39

He is utterly devastated and can't think straight, so I'm just trying to trawl around and find what advice I can for him whilst he tries to pull his thoughts together.

He doesn't have much money - her parents are very, very wealthy and are paying for her solicitor but he can't afford one (own business, hasn't had much work come in lately). He hasn't received the divorce papers yet but she told him she's divorcing him on "unreasonable behaviour", but wouldn't specify what.

She said her solicitor has told her that "he must give you the house, and he also must pay all future mortgage payments".

Is this right? I've told him he urgently needs to seek proper advice and help but he can barely leave the house at the moment. He will have to live with his parents for the forseeable future as he simply cannot afford to give her everything, pay for the mortgage and try and save for his own place again, as he also lives in an expensive county that he needs to stay in for his clients.

OP posts:

Original poster

Theresnodisneyending · 16/08/2018 10:41

I should add they have a child, and both worked full time and equally shared childcare, him moreso.

OP posts:

VanCleefArpels · 16/08/2018 10:43

He should go to his local Citizens Advice

There’s lots of info on www.citizensadvice.org on divorce he could read at home. The wife’s solicitor will always big up her likely “take” from the divorce in order to get instructed! He should not take it as gospel.

Couples must go to mediation first (unless there’s been domestic violence) so hopefully the settlement will be sorted without need for a court hearing.

Singlenotsingle · 16/08/2018 10:45

Never listen to what the other side's solicitor allegedly says. Take your own advice! The wife may just be wishful thinking.

NorthernSpirit · 16/08/2018 10:53

It’s absolute rubbish.

Solicitors will write a letter with anything in it that a paying client says.

My OH’s EW tried to pull the same stunt. Said that her solicitor had advised she could stay in the house until the youngest was 18 (another 11 years). My OH had to pay the mortgage in full (£500 for 11 years). In the sale of the house he’d get 30%.

Their finances went to court. He self represented himself until the final hearing (then got a solicitor and barrister).

It was agreed EW could stay in house for a maximum of 4 years only (house has to be sold by a certain date). If she re-marries or cohabits for more than 6 months the house has to be sold.

The judge ordered that as she’s living there SHE pays the mortgage and upkeep of the house in full.

On sale EH gets 38%.

Every case is different, depends on length of marriage (in my OH’s case it was 9 years) and ages if children.

The best thing your friend can do is get some legal advice. My OH says the investment in the solicitor and barrister was a good one.

tenbob · 16/08/2018 10:54

He needs to see a solicitor even if it's just for some initial advice and then he handles the divorce himself

She will have to specify the reasons on her divorce petition but it's incidental really

Judges don't tend to like it when one party has had legal representation and the other hasn't, especially when the party with representation is doing better from the split

I also suspect some solicitors tell prospective clients what they want to hear in order to win their business - my ExH's did...
Promised him they would ensure I got nothing to reel him in, and then backtracked once it was too late for him to change to another solicitor

NorthernSpirit · 16/08/2018 10:54

Oh and women are expected to find themselves nowadays. Gone is the meal ticket for life.

Original poster

Theresnodisneyending · 16/08/2018 11:19

Oh, gosh, thank you so much everyone for your responses. Yes, I've urged him to urgently at least go to CAB. I'll tell him what you've all said, hopefully it'll reassure him at least a bit.

OP posts:

Original poster

Theresnodisneyending · 16/08/2018 11:20

I also suspect some solicitors tell prospective clients what they want to hear in order to win their business - my ExH's did...

Yes i suspected this too.

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 16/08/2018 11:23

In my divorce I got all equity in the house and I had to carry on with the mortgage payments myself. That was because the children would be living with me and because I'd been working part-time over the previous few years so when I went back to work full time I wasn't on as much as he was.

Singlenotsingle · 16/08/2018 11:24

Show him this thread, OP.

Original poster

Theresnodisneyending · 16/08/2018 11:29

I've just messaged him everything. Thank you so much x

OP posts:

Alfiemoon1 · 16/08/2018 17:33

Most solicitors do a free have an hour appointment could he get some advice from a few local ones

MissedTheBoatAgain · 17/08/2018 03:53

I also suspect some solicitors tell prospective clients what they want to hear in order to win their business - my ExH's did

Happened to my Ex too. Typed complete nonsense even though I had documents to prove their statements were wrong. Ex fell for it all the way. Even after 3 costs orders awarded in my favour they convinced Ex that it would come good at the Final Hearing.

Ex was charged 8K for Final Hearing. I was charged 2K. Says it all.

MozzieMagnet · 17/08/2018 04:39

If they share childcare and she is not the primary caregiver, there is no domestic violence and she is instigating the divorce, and both names are on the mortgage then he should stay put with the children.
Why would he move out voluntarily?

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/08/2018 05:22

Is he still living in the house? I’d advise him not to move out especially as they have a child and he is doing more of the childcare.

He should be writing down the hours worked and hours doing childcare vs his stbex for starters. Next she will be going for sole custody. It sounds as if she won’t be happy until he’s living on the streets. People, who act like this go for the jugular.

mrsmuddlepies · 17/08/2018 06:25

Whatever happens, he must not cave in out of fear. My friend's son invited his girlfriend, with her little boy by another relationship, to move into his house with him. She wanted everything repainted so they could start afresh. Three years later she left him for another man. They had not married. She thought she should get the house because she had a child (not his). His parents were sufficiently frightened to pay her off with a large sum of money.
I think MN sometimes gives the impression that a woman will get everything just because... It is not true and I wish my friend and her son had sought proper legal advice.

Original poster

Theresnodisneyending · 17/08/2018 07:49

Because he's a soft touch and just wants her to be happy, sadly. I'm trying to get him to be tougher but it's just not in him. Well, trying to get him to be a bit angrier about it but it's not happening right now.

Whatever happens, he must not cave in out of fear - Oh gosh, I'm trying so hard to get this point across to him. He's completely and utterly petrified though. He's been told he'll get nothing, basically, and he's barely making ends meet as it is so he's just gone into catastrophising mode. He really needs to see a solicitor! I don't know if he's even made the appointment yet, he's avoiding talking about it

OP posts:

Original poster

Theresnodisneyending · 17/08/2018 07:52

This is her to a T. She has wealth, he doesn't. He's beneath her in her view in so many ways, but he's got such a kind heart, I'm just so worried he's not going to pull himself together enough to fight this. I just hope he gets a good judge presiding over the whole thing.

OP posts:

blueangel1 · 17/08/2018 13:58

I do hope that your friend can get some decent advice, as it sounds as though his ex is trying to screw him over royally.

For a start, it depends on how long they were married. Having gone through this process a couple of years ago, and watched my DP go through it recently, the length of the marriage is important when it comes to division of assets.

For a long marriage, they will frequently start from the viewpoint of 50/50 then decide if this needs to be adjusted because of DCs' needs. Age and number of DCs is a big factor here, as when there are small children, there will need to be adequate provision for them in terms of housing and financial support.

However, for a shorter marriage, then it can be more about who brought what into the marriage in terms of finances, i.e. did one party put a large deposit into a house, as they will be entitled to this back as part of the division.

A decent judge will question if the division of things is unfair, and they are not impressed when one party has an expensive solicitor and the other has to defend themselves.

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