Did you wobble during the divorce process....

[mugginsalert]

if you had the choice whether to instigate/proceed (and no safety issues) or did you remain certain and resolute throughout?

I just received my approved consent order. Expected to feel relieved and a bit excited , but just felt very emotional for the marriage and wondering whether I'm doing the right thing.

(Background: H had affair after years of drifting apart, now sorry and wishes to reconcile. Eldest ds struggles with any change so anxious about the impact on him).

Just wondering what triggered anyone else to have doubts during the whole process and did you listen to them or ignore and carry on?

I had a couple of moments where I wondered if it was worth the effort.
Then I realised that probably half the reason my ex wouldn't move out until court ordered was his hope I'd give up struggling to break free of his control.
That made me more determined to push through it, and I'm glad i did.
His behaviour before the divorce was bad but his behaviour after the decree absolut included stealing from me and assaulting me.
I'd have been divorcing him "again" at that point had I relapsed.

My sister said "if it's really a mistake you can always marry him again in 5 years" but it definitely wasn't a mistake and my life (and my kids life) is 100x better without him.

Stay strong

Not on your nelly. He was a covert narcissist and a drunk and I'm so much better off without him.

Yes. I think mainly for DS, or fear I was making a mistake. It wasn’t.

Sorry you’re having a tough time

For me? Never for a moment. I was gutted to have to get divorced. Terrified I’d be skint forever, lose my house (I did), be alone forever, would be judged for having failed, felt sad at “having failed”. But the alternative was so much worse and once I’d got the nerve to leave and then file the papers I didn’t look back. As awful as he was before I left the unpleasantness that followed was a helpful reminder that life was going to be a million times better without him. During one ridiculous phone discussion about finances he said “why don’t you stop being so stupid about all this and just come back so we can stop arguing” I remember the rage and clarity I felt giving me so much energy I had to go for a long walk to burn it off.

Turned out that I was skint but it was manageable, I didn’t miss the stupid house, I met someone incredible and am now very happily married and my ex is still a total twat without whom life is honestly better than I could have imagined.

We didn’t have children so that made things a lot simpler and I feel for you and your son.

Can you put yourself 2 years in the future and picture what life you want? What will make you happy, joyful, optimistic?

You might be surprised at what looks good about a future without him in it. Take your time.

Me! Currently wobbling. Wish there was a third way but reconciled that the way STBEXH is behaving - completely indifferent and non-contact - reminds me why we had a non existent relationship. I blame myself less for the break-up as a consequence but with a heavy heart realise that this is the last thing I’ll have to do without his support/cooperation/input. Bit like being on a diet. Got to stay focussed on the benefits of the outcome rather than drudge of the process. 💐