How to keep going

[WeakAsIAm]

So will try to keep this short without drip feeding.
With DH 19 yrs, married 14, 3x DC 15, 10 & 6. If I'm honest toxic relationship from beginning, but we were young then tried to make work for kids so stuck it out.
6 of one and half a dozen of the other to be fair.
2 months ago all came to a head, I decided to separate. Can't afford to move out immediately so having to save. DH not willing to move out, so we're stuck here.
Here's the rub, if I'm nice/normal with him he thinks everything is ok we're back together (wants cuddles, sex etc) and he's nice too. Much better environment for kids.
If I'm horrible he's horrible too, don't want to live like this for months destroying kids until I can leave.
Feel like I'm betraying him and leading him on if I stay and play nice, but don't like being mean either.
No one else involved on either side.
How do I get through next few months without compromising/going insane?????

I’m sorry, your situation sounds quite hard, I’m hoping my stbex is going to move out as soon as he finds something and it’s hard having him around!

If I’m nice he seems confused so I’m having to say every day that I want to break up as he seems to forget.

I know what you mean, I've been looking through the separating against stbxh wishes thread. Seems there are a lot of people in our position . It's worth a read if you haven't already.

I had to just be bland and polite. My now ex stayed in the house from August last year until 2 weeks before court for FDR, i think he only moved out because otherwise I could have had half the savings, so he spent it all on rent deposit and furniture. He swang between mildly baffled i was being so harsh (to get divorced) and blatantly abusive (changing oven temperature and turning off hob to ruin our dinner, leaving the house unlocked if he was the last to leave, taking my post and hissing bitch at me whenever I walked past him)
I just treated him like an unwelcome lodger.
3 weeks after the divorce was finalised he assaulted me in the course of stealing from my garage but I survived sharing the house.
I had a lock on my bedroom door and it stayed locked whenever I wasn't actually walking in and out.

Also, I was the op on that thread, but after live posting my assault my account was disabled.