What can he divorce me for?

[RebeccaWithTheGoodHair]

STBXH wants to divorce me. He has walked out several times this year and behaved in a threatening and aggressive manner to me and generally made life unpleasant.

He is living at the family home at the moment and things are OK day-to-day - in all honesty better than they have been for a year. The house is sold and we have agreed the financial settlement ourselves - although he has used a solicitor and I haven't.

However in the solicitor's letter it says that 'we' will instigate a divorce and I've said no, it's up to him to do it not me.

He told me it would be done as irreconcilable differences which was fine but I've just checked and that is not a reason for divorce. One of us will have to cite unreasonable behaviour.

But the thing is a) I'm not bothered whether we're divorced now or not - can easily wait for the 2 years and b) with all the moving costs I don't want to be the one to instigate it and have to pay.

So that means he will have to do it and say I've been unreasonable in some way. The only reasons he has ever given me for this is that I don't treat him with enough respect and that I let the dogs bark.

For the record I don't let the dogs bark endlessly but they do go out and have a bark - if you have dogs you'll know what I mean by that. I call them back in and they settle down. Also, I want dogs that bark if they hear a noise as it's good protection. But that's irrelevant anyway.

So what grounds could he use? And is it worth my while contesting it if it's something I disagree with?

My understanding from when I got divorced was that the one who was being divorced due to unreasonable behaviour had to pay the costs. This was ten years ago though. Seek legal advice as you could end up being liable for the fees if he divorces you for unreasonable behaviour.

One of you has to petition for divorce . And the grounds are unreasonable behaviour ( not always as easy to prove as one might think ) , adultery , desertion , separated two years with consent or five years separated where one party doesn't consent - good luck .

I thought each party now bears their own costs

Oh crap!

I'm getting divorced at the moment. I am the applicant and cited unreasonable behaviour (I had a lot to choose from, as well). I have to bear the majority of the costs, although my SOL did manage to get half the court fee out of STBX (£275).

If you can wait two years and let your OH do it, agree to it and it all goes through without being contested, it shouldn't really cost you much. My only concern would be the financials because you cannot normally have a financial order agreement rubber stamped by a court unless you have got to decree nisi stage. This is my understanding of it, but I am open to others opinions.

JugglingaBoxofFrogs is right - if you want the finances sorting, and a consent order, then this can only be sent to court when you've got to decree nisi, and then comes into effect from decree absolute.

If he can come up with reasons for unreasonable behavior, then let him do it. It might hurt when you see them written on the application, but it's only words, and it makes no difference to anything (the petitioner pays the court fee).

He needs to list half a dozen instances of unreasonable behaviour, and dates where possible. unreasonable behaviour just needs to be unreasonable to the petitioner, doesn't need to be able to be proved, or deemed unreasonable by anyone else - so, your example of you letting the dogs bark - if he claims to find that unreasonable then he can cite it in his petition.

I've just reached absolute (as the petitioner) - it will be a tough ride, but you can get through it.

Both of you stop faffing with solicitors.
if you have agreed a reasonable fair settlement and DC are appropriately provided for the court only needs the relevant forms.
It costs about £300. If you are in agreement that you want to divorce one of you petitions (make sure you have reasonable grounds) and both of you can share the cost.) Even after 2 years apart it was quite painful to dig up the unreasonable stuff and brought it all back.
Is there any chance he would admit adultery? You don't have to name a correspondent any more and it is irrefutable grounds.

I guess the thing is that I don't want to pay full stop. He wants the divorce and I don't mind either way. But right now forking out for half of those costs will hurt - I'm having to buy the new house straight away so our daughter has a home so I have all the sale and purchase costs plus needing to buy things - like a bed for my new place.

He can wait and stay with his sister until he finds somewhere so won't be absolutely broke like I will.

Sorry I'm just ranting. It is what it is I guess. I can't believe 12 months ago we were happily married and now he's just like a different person. We've been together 25 years and I never in a million years thought it would end like this.

I can't understand why he's so desperate to divorce me.