Married but more like friends living together now

[Barnsley1977]

Hi
We’ve been married for 16yrs and have 2 kids (10+13)
We have a strong family bond but our marriage has faded into us being just good friends. We all still live in the family home as it’s not financially viable for me to move out, so we decided to carry on as friends. Like we were but separate bedrooms basically. My question is. Has any man had experience of this and can it work? Thanks. Male, 41

It sounds a recipe (IMO) for disaster. This isn’t living, it’s surviving. Life is for living.

Your children will grow up thinking this is a normal loving relationship (it’s not).

My now OH ‘went through the motions’ (as he described it and was desperately unhappy for years. After many years he left his wife. He was 46 at the time.

He tells me that a huge burden was lifted. Yes, he missed his kids but his kids now see what a healthy adult relationship looks like (I met him years after his divorce).

It is financially viable for you to move out, is this an excuse? Yes, it’s hard, and finances are tight but it can work.

@Barnsley1977

Hi OP. I'm a woman, so it's not really answering your questions. I'm in the same position. My DH and I are slowly slipping in to being friends and we're only married one year despite a very long relationship before that. I feel like a total mess and full of regret.

I don't know about you but I have this constant gnawing feeling that this isn't right. We sometimes sleep in the same bed but mostly in separate bedrooms and it's gotten to the stage where I feel happier in the other room as he can be so narky at night.

Marriage and just friends
Living together in my opion doesn't work after a while resentment sets in

I am in this situation. we havent shared a room in nearly 5 years.
No sex accept to conceive our children.

I recently told him for the last time that enough is enough.
We will stay living together but separately. The aim is to one day buy the house next door and have him move in there.
The kids will notice no difference but one day i hope to find the kind of relationship i want and show them what it can look like.

We have agreed we can be intimate wth other people if we want but no introducing the kids to anyone else unless it is very serious and been together at least a year.

We are very good friend so i think it can work for us

Good luck

The idea of showing your children 'what a healthy relationship looks like' is very odd. Children do not want to see their parent with a stranger, whatever you might tell yourself.

I think you have misunderstood my point

I thought that my STBXH and I could do this but I couldn't take it anymore. I felt I was living a lie to our children, to friends and recently to myself. I don't necessarily want swinging from the chandeliers sex but I have realised I do want intimacy and closeness. 7 years in to an arrangement similar to you describe (and 20 years of being together) I have realised this has not made me or our children happy. STBXH is very difficult in many ways and I thought living separately would work but it was just my fear of leaving him. I wish I had had the strength to have left years ago.