I’m broken

[Rebecca088]

My husband and I have been married for 9 years have two children aged 6 and 8 my husband can at times be very unkind is controlling particularly around money he suggested that when I was on mat leave that I wasn’t gpdoing anything and said things like I’m fed up of supporting you and I don’t contribute enough I’ve always worked although I don’t earn as much as him he earns around bd 90k and I around 25k I’ve pretty much been a sibgle parent for some of the time whilst he worked away and spent time away at weekends etc I have had enough of the constant put downs negativity and unkindness I’ve told him I want to seperate and Can’t live with him anymore; he lies has cheated I can’t do it anymore even for the children; all I have had since then is bullying guilt giving and name calling thinks that because I don’t earn enough money I can’t possible have the children and thinks they would be better off with him I’m broken my chikdr n are my world in his eyes I deserve nothing what should I do?! I’ve been to see a solicitor but can’t afford a divorce because all my wages go to paying bills/ childcare etc 😩

Hi, Rebecca088.
I identify strongly with a lot of what you said. I am so sorry for what you are going through.
((((hugs))))
I can only say that he is only clutching at straws at trying to make you stay with him.
Don't let him hold you to ransom with veiled or indirect statements hinting at you losing your kids to him.
You will need legal advice with that...to be honest.
(

Look at tax credit calculator and Entitledto benefit calculator and child maintenance. See what you would have to live on. You may be able get housing benefit and rent somewhere until house is sold and split. CAB can advise about benefits. What would he do if you just moved out with kids? Do you have any family support nearby? Do you think he just wants children with him so he doesn't have pay maintenance? How is that going to work with his job? It's not realistic if he works long hours / away. You maybe need to find a way of taking back control. You probably can afford it even if he does mess you around about child maintenance if the kids are mostly with you then you can claim tax credits etc and that can help with childcare.

I have had a look but I find it all rather confusing I’ll going to make a appointment to see CAB ; I think he wants the children with him because he loves them dearly but also because he wants to hurt me and yes he doesn’t want to give me any money thanks for the advice

So sorry you are in this horrible situation OP. He sounds abusive - have you thought of approaching Women's Aid? They can support you through the process of separation/divorce. I found them so helpful. I'm now divorced and feeling so much better having got out of a similar situation to yours.

You could also repost this in relationships for online support. Good luck - you will get through this, with your children, and come out the other side a happier, stronger person

How are you OP?