Help please.

[slothsaremyspiritanimals]

Posted in relationship forum but haven't had any help really.

Hello all.

NC so I'm not outed.
Need a rant. And help.

Been with DH for best part of 14 years, married for 8. 4 DC. Both early 30s.

For the last 4 years marriage has been getting worse.

He made us move 200 miles away from everyone to "work on it". And it hasn't made a difference.

We don't speak unless it's about the kids.

No physical contact for years. (Not even hugs/kisses).

Spends all the money coming in and complains and tantrums if he doesn't get his own way.

Complains that he has to "babysit" his own DC if I need to go somewhere without them.

I am beginning to despise him.

He has now accused me of having an affair with my best friend (male). Myself and said friend speak everyday, lots in common, soulmates in a friends way. And have always said if we weren't both married /met a different time etc we might of.
(Like to say I wouldn't have an affair)

I don't know what to do for the best as I can't live like this anymore. I'm now away from all of my friends, stuck with someone I don't like, lonely and touch starved. I can feel myself getting lower and lower and can't go on like this.
I've tried to get him to leave before but he won't.

Thanks all

Need to add that we are meant to be going on holiday on the 12th and I don't think I can.

Am I a bad person?? Can I come back from this?? Am I going to destroy my children??

Sounds like he's going to complain and rant, no matter what. You aren't ever going to have a reasonable time with him, so you need to make the best of it by taking back control of your time (so what if he complains) and finances. Get out of the house, for hobbies and to meet people. And make sure the finances are fairly distributed, not in him always getting his way.

And the only way you will destroy your children is be continuing to cave into his demands? If you stay in this marriage, it is likely your kids will unconsciously gravitate to similar roles in their own.

To OP

Sounds like the time to move on has arrived, all be it difficult as there are 4 DC involved.

My only real concern is the kids.

I have tried for the last 3 years.

Have run out of energy to fight.

To OP

Correct to be concerned about your children, but you have a life too. I stayed in an unhappy marriage for about 5 years as did not want to upset child. However, I decided to end it. Child who is now 12 seems to have handled it well.