Anyone tried no contact?

[Emlo123]

My husband and I have three kids, a 2 and 1 year old plus a 5 week baby. He left me at 27 weeks pregnant to move in with the other woman.
Recently he’s started messing me about, after I had my youngest he was unsure whether he wanted to return home and then went back to being cold 6 days later and has seen her for a total of four hours since!
Then he was causing arguments out of nothing so I told him no contact unless it was an emergency and removed him from social media WELL in 4 days he texted and emailed me 8 times! Then when he came round this Friday he started kicking off, then crying and then started demanding who i’m spending my time with, bare in mind i’m not seeing anyone.
I’ve tried to be friends with him, i’ve tried to be amicable and all he wants to do is cause a fight so I really feel at the moment no contact is the way forward. He’s coming round this morning to discuss child arrangements then I feel once that’s sorted I won’t have to talk to him.
Any tips on no contact parenting? I know it’s not ideal but neither is having two parents who argue.

Baby a bit older but otherwise in a very similar position I had to read your thread again to check you weren’t me!

Being in a different room when you are with tiny baby doing a feed and he is with the older ones. Then handing tiny baby over to him between feeds? He can also take older ones out.

Is there anyone who can help to do handover.

How have you remained so detached? To accept what he has done at such a vulnerable time & has an OW. I am stuck.

I just this morning read an article about the difficulty of getting divorce in the UK, the process is so alien to where I am (i.e. in another country). Anyway, in the article it was mentioned in passing, in connection to an interview with divorce specialist Liz Trinder specialist and professor at the university of Exeter, that some people make up reasons for divorce with legal assistance or agree to disagree on certain aspects just to get the process rolling. The article is also mentioning clinical psychologist Isabelle Hung who has started a group called "Divorce Club" together with a friend called Lucy Davis. The club is aimed at supporting divorcees. You might try to find out more about that club and if they can offer some kind of support. Anyway, in my view, from reading your post, it seems the entire divorce process (now or in the near future) makes it quite difficult and counterproductive to go no contact, because it'll make it more difficult to "agree to disagree" and to fill out those horrible little lists which will be needed for a divorce (trying to patch things up at this seems less realistic). We don't need the lists where I am, people just file away (for divorce). A third option for you to look into might be to try to work on different ways to argue less, there are some techniques one can use (speech techniques, how to formulate oneself, search for "giraffe language youtube"). Going no contact might also create a difficult situation for your children when they get a little bit older, and you might end up in a dead end where you can't back out again and start talking more amicably to each other, in my opinion (as I'd guess how it could be).

Thanks for your reply, at the moment we aren’t getting a divorce but have agreed everything ready. We’ve agreed that I’ll live in the house until by youngest is 18, he’s paying the mortgage for child maintenance and then we’ll sell and split 50/50.
Every time I mention a divorce he just says the same answer ‘can’t afford it yet’ but is constantly going out with this OW and also buying new clothes.
So in principle everything is agreed when we do get a divorce.
I have tried to be amicable but he just causes an argument, if I don’t bite to that he turns on the water works, he’s very emotionally manipulative and I fall for it every time.
He is coming round this morning and are drafting up some sort of parenting plan for the future and I don’t actually mind talking to him briefly when he’s round. But I don’t feel like I need to keep him updated in between that, especially about what i’m doing in my time when the kids are in bed. It will just be matter of fact things.

I’m definitely not detached, I struggle most days, once the kids are in bed and it’s just me and the baby I break down. Just last night I found out my MIL had met this other woman and said she seems really nice, I felt betrayed! No loyalty at all! But it’s been 3 and a half months and i’m doing better.

Absolutely. Make it very clear there are three topics of conversation. The kids. The house. And money for the kids. Anything else is not for discussion. It will sink in. My ex at the beginning use to swan in help himself to a drink and sit and chat like we are old friends.

I made it very clear I'm am not his concern and he is not mine. I'm not interested in how he is.

Keep it polite but don't get drawn into any other conversation. Stick with saying that is no longer his concern.

How ow women thinks she got such a catch I don't know. any man who walks away from such young children is lowest of the low.

I hope you have good people around you. And I would also suggest you get free half an hour legal advice. Don't let him stitch you up. With such a young family you are very vulnerable right now.

Show him you mean business.

I admire how you are handling this and will try to do the same
I’m sorry about your MIL and can imagine how that hurts