I am in my late 50's and divorcing my husband of 25 years. We have two DC's aged 22 and 18, both of whom still live with me. My 18 year old has been accepted in our local Uni in September. Neither of them want anything to do with their Dad, because of his covertly aggressive behaviour towards all of us.
He walked out last year, when he realised that he had leeched everything he could from me, emotionally and financially, and I had nothing else that he wanted.
The biggest problem I have to deal with currently is his over inflated sense of entitlement along with the fact that he is a prolific manipulator and liar.
At his request, I got two property valuations, both of which were around the same amount. I asked him, via my solicitor, if we could do a financial disclosure by letter with documents to back it up and he refused stating that he "wasn't comfortable" with that. He also ranted in his reply that the applicant (me) earned considerably more than he did and he needed to know the full extent of my finances. He said that he would only accept half the value of the house and because I would be staying here, the value would only increase. Ok then....
Of course, if he hadn't asked me to stop talking about my working life because he found it boring, he would have known full well that my earnings are less than his (we both have our own little businesses, and I have always done his bookwork, so I know where he is financially).
He refused to accept my valuations because they are too low for his liking, and he arranged for his own estate agent to visit, accompanied by him. I cannot be in the same room as him because my anxiety goes into overload, so my sister stepped in. I emailed his estate agent to get a copy of the valuation and it was 50K more than both of mine. I had to get a little clever with this and asked how much I could add to the value if the house was decorated (it's been left to go to pot for a number of years and is in poor condition). The estate agent replied that the valuation he gave was based on the house being decorated to a very high standard, so it's obvious that STBX pulled the "my wife is trying to screw me" card. In any event, I have it in writing that the valuation is not accurate. To cover myself, I paid to have a RICS valuation done, which also came in at the same value as the two I already had.
He kept going on about the Form E, so I got that completed and ready. It took him a further two months to do his and the reason for the delay was given as "your client (me) has mislaid much of our clients necessary paperwork". I am used to being blamed for his ineptitude so didn't even bat an eyelid at this. He is the type when, if something good happens, it's always because of him and, if anything bad happens, it's always because of me.
Because he refuses to pay a solicitor, preferring to keep his money to indulge his car obsession, he has used the services of a Mackenzie Friend. Now, I have nothing against them, they do provide a service for people, but because my STBX is so manipulative and can twist everything to suit himself, I think she has been taken in by him and, from the tone of the correspondence, it looks like he tells her what to say, and that's exactly what she does.
He has completed the form E himself and I don't think she's even seen it. As expected, he has used it to rant about what a terrible person I am. He inferred that I have been financially abusive and I had to spend an hour with my Sol to defend myself (I understand that she needs to know that I am not hiding anything). Thankfully I had lots of paperwork to prove he was wrong, but it was still difficult to get through. He has downvalued his classic car by 2/3rds and has omitted to put a value on his garage equipment and parts collection (although he has mentioned that he will need to rent somewhere to keep it all safe). He has not provided all of his bank statements and for some reason, the money in his ISA is not his..... (yes, I know what he's doing).
Under the capital needs section, he has basically written his demands as follows:
Half of the original deposit on the house (plus interest)
Half of the mortgage payments to go back to him
Half of the money he put into the joint account for the last 10 years
Oh yes, and half of the market value of the house.
This comes to 150% of the current market value which is just silly.
I'm currently sitting here feeling that no matter what I do, I am going to lose everything to a man who has spent our whole marriage lying to me, manipulating and gaslighting me. My Sol keeps saying that she does understand my position, but she says I really need to work out where I'm going to get the funds from if I want to buy him out. I can't get a mortgage - I've tried. I'm not confident that I can get a job either. I've been out of the jobs market for 20 years and who would want to employ an over-anxious 58 year old woman with hypertension??
At some point, somebody is (hopefully) going to point out to him that he is being incredibly unreasonable and that he cannot expect me to sell my home and give him 150% of what we get for it. Sadly, once he realises that, he's going to pull another rabbit out of the hat and accuse me of some other heinous actions and so it will continue until he gets his own way.
What a pickle. 