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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Help for SiL. Head in the sand received divorce petition

13 replies

OldPoyntz · 28/07/2018 20:18

Looking for some advice for my SiL as her head is in the sand and she won't seek help.

Her stbex husband had an affair & left. He came back after 6 months but left permanently about 2 months later. He was violent towards her after he left and she got a restraining order against him.

The have three children aged 19, 15 & 10. Only the 19 year old wants to see him.

My SiL turned to drink and has since lost her job and as of yet has no job or benefits coming in. She has been offered a job that starts end of August.

They had a 100% self certified mortgage which has monthly repayments of £2.2k! I believe the amount owing is around £180k. The house is worth approx £500k. She has very poor credit rating from not keeping up with mortgage previously when her and stbex were together.

The stbex has now sent divorce papers citing separation for 2 years. She can't afford a solicitor or any court costs. I think a priority is sorting finances but she has no idea how to move forward or what to do next.

Sorry this is such a ramble but I just want to help her.

OP posts:

wakeupsmelltheroses · 28/07/2018 21:22

Is there anyway your SIL can borrow off friends or family . That was what was advised to myself.

There is no legal aid unless in domestic abuse cases if I remember rightly.

As everyone else recommends good legal advise is a must but when your heart is broken you just can not think straight .

Good luck its a long dark road but you will see light at the end of the tunnel.

bananasandwicheseveryday · 28/07/2018 21:32

I'm not in any way legally trained, or especially knowledgeable, but if she's had a restraining order against him, does that count as dv and therefore mean she could possibly claim legal aid?

Original poster

OldPoyntz · 28/07/2018 23:12

I did find that information and told her but not sure. The police changed the locks on her door so he can't return.

Her parents are helping a bit financially but they are on pension and don't have much. We aren't in a financial position to help either sadly.

OP posts:

InProgress · 28/07/2018 23:16

Is there a University close by who have a law department? If there is you can write to them and ask if the students can take on her case.

It's not guaranteed they will say yes as it will depend on what they're studying at that time and if they've already got enough divorce cases but it's worth a shot.

MrsBertBibby · 29/07/2018 12:05

Is she in England /Wales?

MrsBertBibby · 29/07/2018 12:06

And is it even 2 years since he left?

Original poster

OldPoyntz · 29/07/2018 21:00

She's in England. Not quite 2 years but she wants the divorce to happen so happy to accept the dates provided.

How do you go about sorting finances? Is it done separatly to the divorce? She's worried as he already says he wants 45% of the house.

After they separated but before they had closed joint account, he got a £10k tax rebate and withdrew it all the same day. I think she should have some claim on this too?

OP posts:

MrsBertBibby · 30/07/2018 08:37

She really needs to see a solicitor now to get proper advice. She needs to get the acknowledgement completed and sent to court. Is the ex asking for costs? If so she should refuse consent unless he agrees to withdraw that. He should not lie about the period of separation, it is an offence and could invalidate any decree.

Finances are separate (but there are procedural links). She can get legal aid because of the restraining order so find her a legal aid lawyer ASAP.

And help her get help for the drinking. She needs that badly.

wakeupsmelltheroses · 30/07/2018 09:30

@mrsbertbibby
Can I ask please if you can get legal aid being on certain benefits and not working due to disability? Thanks

Roomba · 30/07/2018 09:39

Not a lawyer, but IIRC to get legal aid the violence/abuse has to be in the last two years? So getting a move on legally will really help as she may get legal aid. If she delays, she may not. Apologies if I am incorrect or out of date.

MrsBertBibby · 30/07/2018 09:39

Legal aid for divorce and finance is only available if there is evidence of domestic abuse.

Roomba · 30/07/2018 09:45

I don't think you do get legal aid if on benefits now, unless for criminal cases rather than family cases. I just had a quick check on the gov.uk site and it would seem divorces don't attract legal aid, whatever your income. Unless there is recent abuse/violence/risk of this. It changed a few years ago, leaving many people unable to afford any sort of justice.

This is the checker I used:
checklegalaid.service.gov.uk/scope/diagnosis/

Many solicitors will offer payment plans or deferred payment options. I'd encourage her to seek advice asap.

Original poster

OldPoyntz · 30/07/2018 13:54

She has joined AA which is a really positive step. I will see if I can find legal.aid solicitor as the restraining order was definitely put in place after he left. She must have some paperwork from the police I guess as they were called and I believe he was cautioned although not charged.

I've also advised she contact CAB.

Thanks for the help everyone.

OP posts:

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