Applied for divorce - what happens next?

[WickedWitchOfTheWest83]

Been separated for 6 months. Found out he was having an affair with his ex wife - even booked a holiday with her and told me it was a business trip - and then got her pregnant at the same time as me! I lost the baby due to Edwards syndrome, she is happily trotting along. I didn’t know any of that until I had left but I suspected things weren’t right.

I’m over it though and actually grateful I have no ties to him at all. Plus I realised I haven’t loved him for much longer than I have left him for but was clinging on because I was embarrassed to admit it was over.

Last week I applied for divorce through the gov.uk website. Read that using adultery as the reason can delay things, especially if I have no dates, times, photo evidence... which I actually do (naked pics of her, sexual messages and emails, holiday confirmation email between the two of them lol!) but I also have loads of other reasons and just included the affair as one of the many “unreasonable behaviours” I listed!

What I want to know is, what happens now? I applied late Friday night and I’m wondering when he will be informed and how he will be informed - like what will he know regarding what I have stated as reasons for divorce?

We have no financial ties, I don’t live with him and my 3yr old son isn’t his, so we have nothing to split or sort out. I’m also on certain benefits due to disabilities so filled out a part of the form that applied for a discount from the fees, or even all the fee to be paid for - or they will make him pay apparently! Personally I think he should and that he is getting off lightly after how ill he made me while we were together because he told me I was crazy and imagining things!!!

Even his friends have disowned him because he lied to everyone and they saw what he did to me.

I’ve moved on, am happy, have even been on a few dates and am really enjoying life so much that people, friends, family and strangers, are commenting on how much joy is oozing from me - so there is no doubt I have made the right decision... I just want to get it done and dusted and want to know what stumbling blocks I could come across on this road, if any!

Thank you for any replies and hope u are all well and coping with your divorces as best you all can xx

You will have to agree your finances before the absolute is issued. As a married couple finances are viewed as joint - do you own a home, have a car, pensions, savings? All of these are viewed as joint and the split starts at 50:50.

It can take around a year to agree finances (if there is any disagreement). Absolute can take circa 2 weeks after that.

I believe its ‘a few weeks’ after it’s lodged to the nisi. The absolute (if finances are agreed) is 6 weeks post that.

You will have to agree your finances before the absolute is issued. No you won't

As a married couple finances are viewed as joint - do you own a home, have a car, pensions, savings? All of these are viewed as joint and the split starts at 50:50. No they won't.

I believe its ‘a few weeks’ after it’s lodged to the nisi. nope.

Why do people pretend to know this stuff?

I assume you are using the online submission service, OP?

MrsBert yes, the online submission service.

Whether the pp is correct or not, while there are some finances and property I could dispute and make a claim on, I just want to walk away and have him out of my life, so I won’t be asking for anything from him. Also, while my financial situation is actually a pretty good one, it isn’t one that he can make claim to as it will only be a good one when I inherit it - which not only will be (hopefully!) a long time away, but also is the reason I want to divorce him quick just in case it isn’t a long time away. I don’t want him to have a claim to it. I don’t think he would dare though.

If he, like me, is happy to just walk away, Just agree to a divorce and start no disputes regarding money or property, what then?

Also, when is he likely to be notified that I have applied for divorce? I’d love to be a fly on the wall when he does receive notification because he is telling people I am begging to have him back and that I’m clearly holding out hope that we may get back together... couldn’t be further from the truth!!!!

Plus I have a toyboy boyfriend that is keeping my mind occupied and is actually taking me away to Ibiza next week while my son goes away with my parents! So yeah, I reeeeeeally want boring old, abusive, violent, cheating STBXH back 🤣🤣🤣

Regarding that last bit about the boyfriend - obviously he doesn’t know about that and I’m keeping that to myself while I get this divorce sorted!

@MrsBertBibby - you haven’t actually provided any advise yourself.

Any solicitor will advise a client not to apply for the absolute before the consent order is approved in court

www.familylawpartners.co.uk/pros-cons-applying-decree-absolute-final-financial-order/

Here’s some info on how long the nisi takes to be issued:

amicable.io/how-long-does-it-take-to-get-divorced/

I did mine by post, I didn't know you could do it online.

My understanding is -

Once the court receives it and checks you have provided what is needed, they will opene a file and send confirmation to both parties (I think they attach a copy of the form you completed too). The respondent (your H) will also receive a list of questions to respond to - basically does he agree with what you've said. I think he has a certain time limit to reply.

It will depend on how busy your local court is as to how long it will take to process. When I was dealing with my divorce last year, at one point I think it was taking them about 5 weeks to even open the post!

Yeah I did it through the gov.uk website. All I had to do was upload a scanned copy of the original marriage cert too. It was so much easier than I thought it would be!!!! I was buzzing when I pressed “submit” and was virtually dancing around the house :)

BEST thing I’ve ever done!

He will probably respond denying some of the accusations but I don’t care - even if he accuses me of growing a penis and flying to the moon to have an affair with an alien I think I will just accept it so the divorce can go through as quick as possible! I want no ties x

The online service isn't open to solicitors so no idea of timeframes. It was rolled out as all whizzy and great, but as per, it was understaffed and fell into chaos. At most maybe a month before the papers go to your ex, but hopefully faster. Bury is currently taking 3 1/2 months to deal with decree nisi applications. Plus another 3 or 4 weeks wait for the decree date. Other divorce centres are less shit.

There are very specific circumstances when it is wise not to complete your decree Absolute until finances are resolved. Chiefly where there are pensions of a very specific kind, or your housing is dependent on your status as spouse. No one can tell you if you should defer on here, although many family solicitors act as if DA should never preceed settlement because, tbh, they don't understand the issues themselves.

Talk to a real life solicitor about finances, OP, so you know what risks you run in leaving it.

I will talk to a family solicitor but I know there are no finances to split at all. There are possibly some I could weasel out of him but I don’t want them. I just want to walk away. There is nothing he can get from me as there is nothing to get. No pension, nothing.

But you are right, I should get some proper advice and I will over the next couple of weeks. The ball is already rolling though and that’s all I want. I neither want nor need nothing from him financially and all I want is for this to be over with as soon as possible.

Thank you for your advice. Perhaps once I have spoken to someone in more detail about this I will update the post and maybe there’ll be more you can throw in that might help.

May I ask how you know so much - is it personal or professional experience? Just curious x

I've been a family solicitor for 20 years.

To Bert and NSpirit,

No need to throw toys out of pram! The OP in first post stated:

We have no financial ties, I don’t live with him and my 3yr old son isn’t his, so we have nothing to split or sort out

If that's correct then when Absolute is issued would not seem to make any difference other than it would officially bring the marriage to an end and both would be free to marry someone else.

In my case I waited till finances were sorted and the agreed Settlement had been paid to Ex before I applied for the Absolute. Solicitors thought that was the best way to avoid any potential Tax issues on basis that inter spouse transfer of assets are not subject to CGT.

I filed online during the evening of 16th July. I received an email this morning confirming that the claim had been issued yesterday and was now being posted out to dh. I’m therefore expecting him to receive the papers in the next couple of days.

The email attached a copy of the paperwork and it is exactly as I typed my answers, so he will see whatever you wrote.

Thank you oreo - that’s exactly what I was hoping to hear. I want him to know exactly what I put too because there’s a few things in there I know he’s going to be shocked I know about (him getting her pregnant, the holiday behind my back, etc.) and I’ve been pretty brutal regarding my feelings about him.

Everyone here has given me good advice x

oreo So yours took roughly 8 working days for you to hear anything which means I’m keeping my fingers crossed that I will hear something around the 1st...

Don’t suppose you could tell me what your situation is? Do you have finances to split or is it potentially straightforward, like mine should be? Of course, it’s not a nice situation to be in - just I don’t have kids to fight over and I have no finances he can make a claim to. I think he might try though... but if he doesn’t it should fly through.

Is yours similar? And what area of England are you? I would just be tempted to follow your timeline (if you are happy to update me) as you filed only a couple of days before me!

Hi Wicked. We do have dcs and a jointly owned home and mortgage so it could potentially be complicated. It doesn’t need to be though, it all depends on him. I’ve put a very (imo) reasonable financial settlement to him. If he’d just agree that then all it would take is a consent order putting to the Court and another £200 fee.

He’s put me though years of misery and I had hoped he might see this was the right thing to do, but no. He’s going to put things right and hopes I will fall in love with him again

I honestly cannot afford mediation or a contested divorce (had to borrow the initial £550 fee) so I’m a bit stuck for now

I hope your STBXH is more reasonable and it goes through ok.

Well just thought I would give a little update. Got an email notification that my husband will be served via the post and it that has been sent to him today! So he should receive it tomorrow... shit is going to hit the fan!!!