Indecisive

[Bloss1978]

So fed up. My husband has a negative outlook on EVERYTHING. He dislikes every member of my family, he views everything as a glass half empty worst case scenario and if someone makes a mistake or upsets him, that's it, they're gone from his life (and he gets frustrated I dont do the same and am a "soft touch") I love him so so much and we have two amazing children aged 14 a d 13 but I am finding this negativity so draining. I'm 37 and still have so much life to lead. I'd hoped I could get him to see the bright side but it's not working and instead he appears to be trying to drag me down to his negative level. What do I do?! Give up on someone I love and strive for a happy chilled future? Or stay trying to stay positive in the face of negativity?? So scared I'll regret the security of our family unit if I break it up..... Need to hear from others who never stopped loving their husband.....but just knew they werent working as a couple!!

Sorry to hear your situation Bloss. Sounds like the inverse of my ex, I’m male and my ex p was behaving very similarly. I was racking my brain to try and find some sort of logic to her; small slights were enough to make her turn viciously against whoever had slighted her, even though they were close friends or family. They suddenly became bad people. My boundaries were constantly being eroded and it got to the point where she had to approve how money that had been gifted to me was spent.

She only ever saw the bad side of things. Would not listen to any logical reply to her nonsensical problems- it went in or ear and out the other. I endured several years of being put down constantly. Reality was being turned upside down and black became white to her. She became ever more controlling. It made no sense to me how she had gone from a carefree, loving person into something completely different.

After we split I learnt about narcissism and npd in particular. Understand what splitting and gaslighting is all about. It now is so clear what was happening. If this is the case for you too, there is nothing you can do. You will be drained until you have nothing left to give, and then discarded.

Read up on it. I hope I’m wrong for your sake.

Low self esteem? Depression? Stress?

It's been like this for years....I've asked him to go to the doctors but he refuses, I've asked him to come to counselling - says if we need counselling, we're done...... After so many years I'm just starting to lose the will. ...but so scared I'll regret it.