H won't accept allegations of unreasonable behaviour

[AForest]

This might be a ramble, so I apologise.

I am trying to move things forward after we agreed to separate in November after Relate counselling.

H has done nothing in that time to facilitate the separation or try and rebuild relationship. He doesn't want to use solicitors and keep things amicable and costs to a minimum. He wants 2 years separation and then divorce yet he won't move out (I can't lose 2 more years of my life)

However as he won't do anything I have started proceedings. I have a solicitor as I am out of my depth and need advice. So he has received my allegations and refuses to accept them. I kept them as 'nice' as possible.. stating facts like no intimate relationship for 6 years, no socialising together, no emotional support for my depression etc. He says I have painted him in a really bad light. I just said that one of us has to blame the other and as I am divorcing him I have to say why. So he said he will petition me with the same, will take more of the house, will cut off my money etc. how is this staying amicable and keeping costs down?

So my question is, if he rejects the allegations what is the likely outcome? Do I have to make new ones? I can see the costs spiralling already as I think about it, as it will be mean going back and forth. We haven't even got round to discussing finances yet. I feel if you love someone but they aren't happy, surely you let them go. He admitted he doesn't love me, so why is he making it so hard.

We have three DC and this is going to make it harder for them. I can't move out as I don't have enough income to support myself and the children, plus I have been told not to.

Thanks for reading

Sorry I should add, I don't mind if he divorces me. I'm just not sure what happens in that scenario now I have started proceedings and paid the fixed fee.

Has he actually petitioned you himself? If he’s not signing the papers, I’d ask for bailiff service of the petition on him, there is another fee for that unfortunately. Once he’s been served by the bailiffs, apply to the Court for “deemed service”. Hopefully, he won’t engage and the Judge will just accept that he’s received the petition and he won’t have to siping it. You can then move onto applying for your Decree Nisi.

Alternative,t, have you got a mutual friend who coukd talk to him? Only the Court Staff, ant Solicitors and the Judge see the reasons why you petitioned. Like you say, any atguements will only cost more, take longer and have a detrimental affect on his DC.

Sorry for the typos siping should be sign.

Can you ask you solicitor all this? Because they are in the best position to advise.

It is his right to refuse them. A pain for you but its not like its illegal! If he disagrees he disagrees!

Oh and if you do apply for Bailiff service, I’d ask for regular updates. The new Divorce centres don’t always send the papers to the right Court and it can make for huge delays.

Please see these grounds tor divorce from gov.uk.

He has to agree on divorce otherwise its 5 years of separation. He can and often people who are divorcing be arseholes to each other during the process. Im afraid it will be expensive...he cant use the grounds to influence finances or child custody though. But speak to your solicitor!!!

Thanks for the replies, I will speak to my solicitor but needed to vent a bit. Plus I need to get my head straight first.

He hasn't petitioned me yet, and I doubt he will. If he did, I would take it!

Thanks again

I used a bailiff to serve papers on my ex and was extremely belligerent. I just went on and on at him at every opportunity until he caved in. It wasn't nice and it was exhausting but it worked. Good luck

Whoever petitions who makes no difference on the split of the marital assets etc so he's being stupid. Even if he wants to save money he either needs to talk to a solicitor or do some basic research to make sure he understands what happens when. Also he needs to be prepared to do things like mediation over a financial settlement which will cost you both money.

If decides to petition you instead he needs to have a good reason for it and would have to ask the court to chuck out your petition this would mean the whole process takes longer.