Start of separation

[Wykelan3]

Hi everyone, looking for help and advice about something I know nothing about. I’ve been up all night thinking about this so apologies if I’ve massively over simplified it.

Married for 17 years with 3 kids between 8 and 12. Living together at the moment but not even hugged or touched in 6 months. Tried counselling 4 times. We’re good parents and work really well as house mates but she hasn’t loved me for a long time and With our arguments getting more and more hateful I don’t think I can love her anymore.

Does this proposal sound reasonable? Clean break. Simple and straightforward. We prioritise the kids above all else. I buy her a 4 bed house for cash in between both schools. We share parenting 50:50. No need for maintenance? Maybe have kids 1 week about. I keep existing house and existing mortgage. She gets a job.

No one can advise you on this info.

Go and see a family solicitor for proper advice.

Divorce is a large step, not to be lightly entered into.
Many such processes would begin with a mediation, where each person gets to set out their preferences. For example, maybe the wife wants the existing house, and you can get another one? Maybe she wouldn't want 50/50 childcare?
It sounds like there is no shortage of money. If you are a really big earner, then even with 50/50 childcare there could be a case for spousal maintenance (rare, often time-limited), but that could still be part of the mix. That's particularly true if the wife cannot start work until kids are at secondary school -- what are you expecting her to live on, if any job is low paid?
Also -- can be questions about how to split other assets: pensions, savings/ISAs, etc.
So - solicitor is one option; wife would no doubt then think about one of her own. Mediation may be part of that. It is also possible to handle all of this yourselves.
Good luck!

My thoughts for doing it informally like this is that there is a way back for us. Small chance I know. We were happily married at one point and there was no one event that destroyed the relationship. She somehow just got bored once the kids started to grow up and not need the constant mothering. She is I think bored with mundane family life and bored of her husband 😂 I’m extending the house at the mo so the kids each get their own room. it was going to be our dream forever house but she isn’t able to be interested in it. So I know she won’t want to live here. I’m sure she accepts that she’ll have to work once we split as the kids are all quite independent now. I want to keep finances clear cut as she isn’t very good with money, part of our problems are that socialising with her friends is a higher priority than paying bills (and me lol). We’re not rich but I had always planned to take early retirement in maybe 5 or 10 years and was building my business up. This would now enable me to buy a basic 4 bed for her. I think even min wage would give her similar to what I give her at the mo plus she can take the child benefit and the big family car and there’s no rent or mortgage so relatively simple finances. She has smallish pension but was never interested in stuff like that when she was working. I just don’t see how a solicitor could ever place the interests of our children as high as we do.