Help - bereft at the thought of not being in touch with my divorce solicitor any more

[confused5]

Divorce is coming to an end - transfer of equity happening tomorrow . Still some things to sort out which my solicitor will help me with. Bills to pay and another lump sum to give to ex next year, which she will have to be involved with.

However the thought of at some stage never seeing her again, or being in contact, is making me unbelievably sad. I mean really I could sob about it sad. If there was a way I could stay in touch with her I would.

She has seen me through a year long painful and traumatic divorce, and has been very kind. We have got on well and I think she has also enjoyed talking to me. The thought of not being able to see her again is making me cry even now. Sorry to be so dramatic.

What is the matter with me? Please don’t tell me I’m a fruit loop.

I can only sympathise. I'm a mess at the moment after a traumatic loss. I've had three crushes in quick succession without a day's break in between. I also think I will really struggle once the legal processes are completed even though they are awful - because nobody else really wants to talk in gruesome detail also boutique what happened any more, and why should they?

I can highly recommend a good therapist. I will probably end up developing a transference crush on mine but I'm hoping with time the crushes will gradually get less intense.

In the meantime, cry, mourn the year you have had, and DON'T stalk them... [ voice of experience]

Sorry about what you are going through annandale. Yes I think it is about the trauma - and you tell your divorce solicitor a lot.

As I near the end of the process, I realise how much I must have been holding in - I’ve kept going for months and months and now I feel like I am going to break down.

Still, is there ever a situation where you could keep in touch? Not in a stalky way - a normal way.

If you are a divorce solicitor, have you ever kept in touch with any clients?

By you I mean anyone who might read the OP.

I felt the same about my midwife. It passed after a week or two.

I know what you mean Desmondo - I did two come to think of it. Well the second two, not the one who delivered ds ().

But with the divorce - it has been going on for a year - that is so long and it has been very intense (not knocking giving birth and how intense that is). I just feel sad that I will no longer know her. It’s throwing up all kinds of stuff and I feel truly crap .

Too not two

That’s more common than people realise. You’ve had a close supportive relationship with her at a traumatic time in your life, and you’ve developed a need (or perceived need) for her company.

I used to be a family lawyer and it happened fairly often, it also happens with social workers, nurses etc.

Please understand that it would be odd and unprofessional for her to become friends with you or remain in touch. I have former clients I genuinely liked and would be interested to see again, but I would have had to politely discourage it if they’d tried to stay in touch.

I don’t mean become best buddies - I mean you might drop them the odd line, Christmas cards, stuff like that. Something.

I was going to see a counsellor, but I obviously didn’t feel the same way about him as I had no problems when I stopped going .

I hate endings too - or the run up to them. Really hate them.

Thanks Pale I missed your message.

Why would it be unprofessional to stay in touch? Genuine question. After all - the lawyering bit would be over and presumably you wouldn’t instruct them again?

Like desmondo2016 I felt the same about my midwife. I guess the similarly is that they were a reassuring presence while you experienced trauma.

I think saying it will pass in a couple of weeks is a bit glib. I reckon you need to do some succession planning OP.

There will be a void to fill, some counseling, socialising, deep chats with a good friends or family member. All these things could expand to fill the void.

But It's a good ending!

I sometimes feel genuinely sad to see a client go, it's not a one way thing, despite being my profession. It's often nice to run into them (I used to have one in every supermarket : literally one in Sainsbury's, one in Waitrose, and one in the local Co op) It's good to hear the kids have grown up and sprogged, they're getting ready to retire on that nice pension I got them, they've met someone new, or got a new career. So by all means, drop her a card in a year to say how you're doing.

But really, It's not a real friendship. You've poured so much grief and rage and fear into your lawyer's ear, and hopefully they've buried it somewhere safe. You need to finish the job and walk away, leaving all that behind. And let her leave it behind too.

Obviously some clients have us dancing a fucking jig when they finally get finished. But I'm sure you're not one of them!

I think you are right winegummy - there is going to be a void and I do need to plan for it. It feels like an impending bereavement.

Thanks for your thoughts - MrsBert.

You've poured so much grief and rage and fear into your lawyer's ear, and hopefully they've buried it somewhere safe. You need to finish the job and walk away, leaving all that behind. And let her leave it behind too.

^ thank you for this - it’s very helpful.

I sure hope she doesn’t dance a jig when I stop being a client ! I don’t think she will, but she’ll probably be glad not to have to deal with ex again as he has been really rude to her many times .

It’s a weird kind of inviting someone into the dysfunctionality of your life .

Lucky you Op - it must be nice to come away feeling like that -thank yourself you are not feeling like I am - abused emotionally & financially and trying to recover some of the injustice I believe I was subject to - 18 months since FH and still picking up pieces

I guess also that a lot of the feelings about the divorce itself get projected onto solicitors, when in reality they are separate to it all.

I am sorry greenberet - I have read some of your posts and I am really sorry that you have had such a hard time .

Confused -thank you so much - you know One post of kindness has completely obliterated the feelings I had from the bashing I was getting on another thread - thank you! I hope your future is bright