The OW

[Whoknows11]

Why is this braisen woman now socialising with the parents of my children’s friends at school events?

Have I gone crazy or is this psycho woman who wanted my OH, wanted my children and now going for my ‘friends’?

You're focusing on the wrong person.... your 'D'H is who screwed you over, not OW.

I disagree. OW is just as much to blame.

I remember having been in that position or close enough.
It was demanded of me to not attend my kid's school events so they could go together, apparently I was inconveniencing the OW. At that point I was still married - real nerve :-)
I was sooo upset, I was indignant with the audacity of her attitude and his complete insensitivity for both myself and the kids. But worst of all, I was afraid school-gate comments might filtered down to my kids and upset them.
Now she's the wife (she's welcome, really!) but I think they both know better than to piss in my territory :-D

Both are to blame. She can't just get away with everything.

I'd be fucking furious, OP.

My OW took my fiancé, my flat and all of my friends. I did all the wrong things: I blamed her, I rang her and accused her of being a horrible person, I degraded myself and I sobbed down the phone line.

That was 10 years ago. She's now a single mum, has had to give up a promising career and has spent her extended mat leave writing his PhD thesis. Ex is on wife #2, has three kids and pays her fuck all while polishing his image as a globe trotting do-folder and professional revolutionary.

I shouldn't have blamed her. What she did wasn't kind but she didn't owe me her love or loyalty. He did. When I ran into her recently, I actually felt rather sorry for her. We were both meant to be quite senior in academia by now. Neither of us is. But for me, this has meant going into industry and being a success there instead. To her, it's meant taking odd freelance jobs and just about getting by with her two DC.

At the end of the day, we were both screwed over royally by the same self-obsessed man. Her life might have been mine had she not entered the picture in time. Instead, I got off - just about.

Long story short: you're misdirecting your anger.

Maybe I am directing my anger/frustration in the wrong direction. But seriously why would a woman want to be involved with the children's friends’ parents? Hasn’t she got her own friends?

These are questions I’ll never be able to answer as I’m not like her and to that I’m glad. She must be v insecure to copy me and have so many similarities which don’t seem coincidental.

@somuchbetter yes it’s the insensitivity of my ex and the audacity of her thinking she has some kind of right to be there!

You,ve answered your own question there Op - only someone with no backbone would do what your OW is doing - I believe my OW wanted my life as hers was currently falling apart - and she got my x when he was vulnerable. despite the shite I am still going through she did me a huge favour because I have seen the X's true colours - despite his professional success he is a fake - and when this goes as it will- well he will be vulnerable again - meanwhile watch this space

@greenberet is your ex military?

These ow need putting in their place. I’d love to go up to her at the school summer fair and say “why are you even here?” But I’ll keep my dignity and not lower myself to their level.
But why is she there?!

@whoknows11 If she spends time with your DC and is involved in their lives, isn't it natural she would spend time with your DC's friends and their parents? I know this hurts, but just because OW was involved in the end of your marriage, it doesn't mean every single aspect of her character is bad. If she is kind and loving towards your DC, surely that's better than her being the kind of OW who works to estrange your ex from his children?

I don’t understand - has she just randomly showed up to speak to school parents or is she there picking up the kids?

My own OW literally stepped into my old shoes. My husband, my friends, my gym, my local pub, my dog. It was weird. The one thing I had control over was my child. (Then a teen) no fucking way was she stepping into that. So I did not let it happen. No meeting her (at the time), no school visits, no parents' evenings, no concerts, no fuck all.

My friends thankfully won't even speak to my stbexh and wouldn't give the OW the time of day. They think it's disgusting that she comes to school. She goes to parents evening and Lord’s over the discussion (I go at a different time) and only asks questions regarding attendance and of doing homework so essentially any shit she can dig up against me. School were horrified but refuse to do anything about her eloping herself to my place there. So I'm with you there OP. Cheeky bitches. I feel sorry for her though: she's got my ex

I have the same. She turns up at parents evening, despite not having any children at the school. My DC have 2 functioning, but divorced parents, both with parental responsibility. Her being there is not about supporting DC - it is about pissing territory. The school don't do anything, because actually they can't. But it is all about show. She abuses my DC behind closed doors and no body believes them because of the public image,

I’m glad others get me!

The ow is welcome to my ex but when it comes to my children I’m fiercely protective x

@greenlanes, I would have a recording device on my children if she was abusive.

@HollowTalk I have considered it but my ex and she remove my DC phone so they cant speak to me at all during "their" contact time. My DC are close to teenage in age. They are both psychotic. How do I best protect my DC? No recording device lasts for weeks. And the incompetent family court refuse to accept that a professional will behave in this way. There is no evidence. So i have to live in the belief that one day my DC will finally be old enough to walk away. But that is a very poor choice.

Given a choice, would your children prefer not to go there?

No abuse in my case but their public image is impeccable. Even so that parents at the school who I used to chat to are now ‘friends’ with my ex and the ow and ignore me! Why am I being punished again in all of this? Of course if I said anything I’d be made to look like the bitter ex.

Instead I keep quiet, let them get on with it, she’ll soon run off with one of the dads and I’ll be sitting in the wings laughing!!
However if my children get pulled into which I feel they already are then that’s when I’ll get angry and want to say something!

No not military - fiercely protective - I so get this! In the early days my OW posted a pic of my kids on twitwoo at something she wasn't even party too - I soon told her to get it off her account - I was then blocked!

I think she also made some comment when they did their exams! My Ds spends some time with her My Dd has absolutely nothing to do with her - never has and never will completely her choice yet every card she gets from her DF says " dad & Ow" this infuriates my Dd!

They obviously believe the bullshit they have been fed that we are the crazy bitter ex wives - and so feel superior that they "won" this game - do you think somehow they also think this translates that they can be a better mum to our kids too - over my dead body - and even then my Dd would have nothing to do with her!

Her kids also keep trying to hook up with my Dd on social media _ she wants nothing to do with them either - she declines but they keep requesting - she wants to tell them to P off but she is too polite - and she is now starting to feel sorry for them too - they obviously live in a very false world!

Op I think I'd get myself some new friends - that must be really hard for you to endure - where is their loyalty? But yes always watch out for karma!

greenlanes that is appalling - removing phones so dc can't talk to you - bloody control and abuse right there - I know where you are coming from - emotional abuse can be very hard to detect and bloody easy to cover up and pretend it is something else - I never released how controlling and manipulative my x was until divorce process started. My kids have been manipulated, emotionally & financially abused all the way through - they were 13 when this startedvjust turned 17 - so many instances - they haven't walked away yet! - my x highly public in his field and top of his game - they can't possibly be abusive can they? - must be the little crazy woman at home making up stories!

Keep strong _,it's one hell of a ride x

So the lovely woman that she is turned up at my son’s school summer fair!

I didn’t see anyone talk to her, even my ex was too busy chatting to everyone else but her. She looked awkward, hot and frazzled cussing after her 18 month old.

Talk about some karma finally happening 😂😂

*That was meant to say chasing after her child!

Wow op that’s awful but hopefully you can hold your head up high. Ignore them where possible.
Hopefully your true friends shine through.
You have to live your own amazing life now!
So frustrating though

The OW wanted my life, as she thought it was more comfortable than hers. My EXH earned a lot more money than her then-DH, and she was bored (and narcissistic).

Frankly, she is welcome to EXH as he is a high-functioning alcoholic with a porn addiction (and also probably a narcissist).

She's also welcome to the ex-PILs too. On the day of the breakup, EXH left his parents' house telling them he was on his way home to me, then met up with OW instead and took them back to meet mummy and daddy. He is the Golden Child and I doubt they uttered a word, so the next time he fancies a new wife, he will do exactly the same thing.