If I leave does he win?

[Vanillarose]

Is it true that if I leave the family home because I can't stand the mental torture of living under the same roof as him that I severely weaken my legal case?

I paid for almost all of the house. And I look after the children (and work around them). But he won't leave. And my health is suffering from the toxic atmosphere. I have two beautiful (young) children and don't know whether I'd be better to let them stay here in the home they know temporarily until I can get him out or take them into a tiny rental property with me.

Everyone tells me I need to stay put. I'm self employed and can't get another mortgage if we sell - I'm supposed to be buying him out but he now wants more money as he has been goaded by his friends. I'm paying him the maximum I can afford. I can't deal with all the stress and lies.

Do I have any options at all? I have a solicitor lined up to do my consent order (ha! As if we'll ever agree!) but she is £250 per hour so if anyone can advise, even anecdotally I'd be really grateful.

Sitting here with tears running down my cheeks wondering why he can't just let me go and has to make it into a war when it doesn't need to be like this.

Sorry to hear things are so awful. Could you stay put until you either reach an agreement or the court decides for you! If you absolutely have to go though I don't think it will affect the final outcome.

Just another point - there seems to be a widespread belief on Mumsnet that self employed people can't get a mortgage - this is absolutely not true. Self employed people get mortgages all the time

I don't know the answer but couldn't read and not post. Can your solicitor give you that info? It's such a stressful hideous situation.
Take care and I hope you get the answer you I need xx

OP I am in the exact same position as you. My H has been asked to move out but won't. I cannot buy him out. I am self employed and unable to get a mortgage. If he buys me out the share of equity won't buy me a caravan. We have three DC, one with MH issues so unable to share a bedroom. I cannot see an end to it or any solution at all. I feel so sad. But I have to believe things will improve somehow. I mainly live one day at a time. Best of luck

It shoudn't weaken your legal case, although it would be useful to know if you are married, and whether the house is in joint names. In your shoes I'd arrange a rented property and move out with the kids. Anything else can be sorted out afterwards. Obviously your money would have to go on rent and bills for the new house so there wouldn't be anything available to pay towards the current house.

It will weaken your case in terms of being main carer to the children if you leave them behind though.

No legal advice BUT I would change the locks, send the kids on a sleepover and wait. Pack his bags. Leave outside the front door.

When he returns refuse to let him in. If he causes a disturbance and you feel threatened call the police.

Maybe if he goes away for one night he will never return!

My advice is quite bad I suppose but hell would freeze before I was held to ransom by anyone!

Do not leave your kids I’ll guarantee he will be onto child maintenance before you can say boo.

Also consider reaching a deal where you can pay him the extra money he wants in 3/4 years from now. Then you can remortgage.

How much does he want?

I left the marital home as I couldn't stand the sight of my arsehole ex. My solicitor advised that it doesn't change what I'm entitled to as the house is joint names, so I still get half the proceeds. Thankfully I only have the one child who is 16, nearly 17 and doesn't really factor in our separation legally, but if you have younger children, take them with you, don't leave them in the house with your ex.