Messed up🙁

[RoseH2]

RoseH2

Hi I'm in a real pickle hoping someone can help or if anyone's been through similar, firstly I apologise to anyone reading this who's been cheated on because you'll probably hate me, I've been in a pretty seperate and distant marriage for 8 years but been together for 16, I had my head turned by a guy I did really fall for but he's now gone back to his wife anyway, it was a 9 month affair and was very hard living with the guilt, so I confessed to my husband and now he's so angry I've had to leave our home and our 2 children are still at home with him. I miss them so much but have been seeing them regularly but not over night as I'm currently sofa surfing. I can't believe I've messed up so much and my mind changes daily/hourly about what I should do next. Renting on my own would be hard but going back to the house would not be ideal either..

If you're heading for divorce, then (hard as it is) the best thing would be to move back into the marital home. Otherwise your current arrangements could be considered as setting a pattern for post-divorce. Clearly at some point you're going to need a 'grown up' conversation with your husband about what you do as a couple. But issues about who looks after children, how assets and residences are decided, are not about who is to 'blame' for a relationship breaking down.

Moving back in may severely disrupt the kids. Tread carefully.

Have you considered mediation?

Thank you for your advice, I think mediation will defiantly be a good idea, part of me wants to move back in and show I will fight to save our marriage but also I know the reasons I was feeling unhappy for a long time and unsure if that will ever change, especially now everyone sees me as the bad guy. If I can rent for 6 months to see what we both want I'm guessing I'll still have the security of being on the mortgage, it's so hard I don't want to be pushed over but can't be too demanding at this point either, and cant really afford legal advice 🙁