Hi all, looking for thoughts and advice, and wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation.
To try and cut a very long story short, myself and my husband have been together for 10 years, married for 6, we have a 4 year old daughter and I'm currently coming up to 35 weeks pregnant. Things have been up and down with us off and on for the last 3 years, and eventually in December last year, when I was 9 weeks, we started a trial separation and marriage counselling. During this time, myself and our daughter lived full-time with my parents and he stayed on in our house, as we both agreed.
We tried to come back together in April, but I felt that nothing had changed - he was still devoting every bit of his time and energy to his business, still leaving pretty much everything around the house to me, and still maintaining a friendship with a girl through his work, that I've always felt has crossed the line into emotional cheating, even though he doesn't really accept that, and certainly insists that nothing physical has ever gone on.
After limping along, he told our counsellor that we would leave the appointments for now, and he has fairly recently moved back to his parents, and I'm in our house with our daughter, with 3 more weeks of full-time work ahead of me before I start my maternity leave.
He comes back to our house quite a lot, both when we're there and when we're not, and I don't always feel like this is a good thing for me or our daughter. He turned up unexpectedly during her bedtime routine last night, and then she was unsettled for me when he had gone.
He claims to ultimately want us to work and all be a family together, but says "we" can't seem to make that so at the moment, but maybe when the baby is here "we" will realise we've been foolish and things will resolve themselves. He's offered to be in the labour room, and move back in to help with the baby, if I want both of those things.
All of this is playing with my emotions - at times I feel ok and at others, like today, I feel like I'm really struggling. It is now, when I'm physically and mentally exhausted, that I need him to shape up and be around, not just when the baby is physically here. She is very much real to me as it is. I am growing ever more resentful, and I did try and say that we should just call it a day now rather than potentially drag this out, but I found that decision quite hard to enforce, and he took that to mean I took it back, and that we would carry on as we are. This includes the majority of his stuff still being here, and him staying at the house two nights a week, one with our daughter, and me shipping off to my mums again, so he can get a break from being at his parents. I'm so fed up with all this.
Am I being unreasonable being so unhappy with this half-in and half-out limbo that we're in? Should I push for a decision now, and risk it being that we split up for good, which is pretty much what he's said will probably happen if I do? Sometimes I wonder what I'm trying to save, and I don't know how much pregnancy is clouding my judgement.
I just wish I categorically knew what to do for the best for us all, or that I could fast forward the next 6-12 months, and we all be living the lives we're supposed to. Sorry this has been so long! Thank you.